so last night my dad and me were talking and he was telling me how if i go to church and really put my self into it, God will, basically, make me straight. he continues to think that its a choice and that satan is the mastermind behind it, yada yada... and i know his intentions are good, but he wants what ill never do. or rather, something i cant do. me becoming straight is like asking God to appear before u. it wont happen. My mother also (a couple of nights ago) kinda argued with me about this subject and was telling me how i would always b welcome in her house b/c im her son, which is great to hear, but she added that a boyfriend of mine will never be. i didnt even go there with her, but all i could think is that, its her loss. and when i get older and move out, i wont b coming to holiday or any kind of family get-together unless my boyfriend can come too. i know my cousins wouldnt mind and neither would my sis, but i know that ill win this fight. sooner or later, im sure curiosity would get the better of them- even if its wanting to see a picture of him. and not like they have anything to worry about- im picky. when i choose a person to be with, he will be a good person. or at least, in my eyes. (and good looking wouldnt hurt either, but iq and personality first! :icon_wink) so, i wanted to post this to see what anyone would have to say that can help me out. or if u have a similar experience to share.
Firstly Alex, look at what you have that so many others don't. You are actually sitting with your folks and talking out things. Sure you may not agree on things, but they are still in the process mode. When you first realized you were gay, did you pray for God to change you? I did. That's the stage your folks are at. In time, hopefully they will grow to realize what YOU did - that you can't change. Just continue to dialogue with them, be loving and kind, understanding that they struggle with this as did you. Love from both sides is going to bring you all closer.....Walk Proud
i too am going though what you are my mother is a christian and she love me because i am her child but it hard to hear that i cant bring who i love to her home because of her christian background as stilsurchin told me in a post when i first joined is hang in there and give them time to deal with thing they will come around. it will be hard at first but i am still trying to get my mom to except an i will be the first to tell you its not easy my mom and i are very close and we do have talk but she still want to change me.. so hang in there and no matter God still loves you and we all are here for you.. twix
Hello, I currently attend a church that is open to all and actually has a gay pastor (and I live in a small town) maybe there is a church in your area that is more accepting that you could attend and maybe bring your parents and show dad that not all christians believe being a homosexual is a sin. I go to a unitarian universalist church so try looking those up. My mom is kinda like yours in the sense I have been with my partner for 5 years and still we can't touch in front of her( I mean at all my partner held her hands over my ears when we were on a mountain top because they were cold and you would have thought we were making out right there LOL) . It is a real struggle but it did start out she didnt want anything to do with her but I told her fine then she would not see me at the holidays. she lives a few states away and only visits on holidays though so it is a little easier. Plus the rest of my Family was on board so I was lucky. But she is coming around little by little and I hope your mom can too. Best of luck -jen
I went through the praying stage and eventually realized that I was made like this for whatever reason. My sister also wanted God to change me and stuff. Eventually she got over it and supports me kinda and all that. Hopefully your parents can realize that you can't change because nothing is wrong.
If you can get them a copy of Prayers for Bobby and/or For the Bible Tells Me So, that would be helpful. Download them some PFLAG information: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=594&srcid=416 Here is a brochure from the American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/topics/sorientation.pdf There is so much information!
I always cringe when people play the "satan" card. You have to help them see that you havent changed, but they simply see something about them different. You are still the same person you were before they learned of your sexuality. The only thing that changes when one comes out deep down is the perception of a person. And on the satan issue, satan doesnt need to do anything, or play a part, cause humanity has enough problems. I once got so angry with a ex-friend *before I began to come out* because they were going on how homosexuals worship satan... he got me over the line, I snapped, and told him "and are you saying that jesus came to you and forced you to beat your wife into the hospital for 3 weeks?" I wouldnt push things to far with them, but try to talk to them about it slowly, useing the links becky provided. You mother reminds me of my parents, whose reaction was basically "you are still my son", though they arent telling me not to bring home guys *not that I am in a position to at this stage in my liffe*. They didnt need time to adjust to this change in how they percieved me, and months later, my dad still has his doubts, but you just have to approch is slowly. I dont feel like a abomination, and I will never let anyone make me feel that way. But sometimes people need to actually know a gay person, personally, to really see that all those fears society has, and continues to try to instill, ultimately are invalid.
Lol Using Satan is just probably easier than believing the truth. At least that's my take on it. Especially in a religious family. "Lordy lordy! Lucifer's got a bid on meh child! Call the priest!" I kinda scenes like that in my head whenever I hear parents or people use the satan card. It's silly.
thanks guys. and ill try to get them to watch prayers for bobby b/c its still recorded on my dvr, but i have a feeling that theyll just disregard any info i try to give them. but in the end, and it may sound insensitive, i just dont care whether or not they accept it. for me, the top priority is for them to keep loving me. which they do, so ill just have to work on it from there.
change doesnt happen overnite. but what is most important is that you are comfortable with who you are. It is more dangerous to not be comfortable with yourself then it is for others to not be comfortable with you in the long run.
I agree with what you said about God and religion. Regardless of how often you go or how much of yourself you put into church, it will not change whoyou are. Never has never will! In my opinion dealing with being gay is far better then trying to pretend you're not.My parents are just like yours and they won't et any of my friends come over because they are all gay and one is bi. And as for you family gatherings i do believe you will win over them also. Plus they should be a little more understanding! Hope you find that guy you're lookin for!
Tell your father that if God wanted to "set you straight" then he would have done that when you were born.
