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Idk what to do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by awildscrewup, May 14, 2016.

  1. awildscrewup

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    IDK if this is the right place to post this, but here goes.


    Yeah so I'm.. Unsure of what I am. But I am in a very religious family. I am homeschooled. I want to try to figure out my sexuality but my parents have told me, in as loving a way as possible, that if I date or do anything with a girl, or if I come out to everyone, or something, they will kick me out. Also if I stop being a Catholic, out the door.

    Awhile ago we had a big fight where my dad said some very nasty things to me. I had a panic attack and he brought me down.
    I am still working on accepting myself because I still have the knee jerk reaction to hate anything LGBT and that includes me. most of my family are not super supportive of LGBT people. I have a transgender MTF aunt who almost everyone has disowned. I do not have friends that would be able to or want to take me if I got kicked out. By now I want to move out because it hurts being here, but I also still love my family and will miss them, and I know that in their own screwed up religious way, this is my parents trying to tell me they love me, even though they have no idea how much they are hurting me. I don't know where or if I should go, I don't think it's good for my mental health to just stick it out. I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. Embi

    Embi Guest

    I get that you love them since it's your parents but it is a really toxic environment you live in. They already told you that being LGBT+ would lead to them kicking you out, so before they find out somehow, better try to find your own place and get out of there.
    Is there a LGBT-center you could go to? Or groups? You could get help and support and new friends there who will help you. How about your trans aunt? Could you go to her place and live there maybe? I'm sure she'd help you, even when you aren't close yet.
    After you moved out, you could try telling them why you did that and hope they change their minds about kicking you out and treating you bad but I wouldn't expect that to happen.
    Sometimes people you love don't deserve your love and you have to let them go. That's a painful experience (I don't have that problem with my family but I had a best friend once and she was toxic, so I know what I am talking about), but please be safe and try to get support. You don't deserve to be treated badly by your family.
     
    #2 Embi, May 15, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2016
  3. Girlluvva69

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    This is the reason I'm an atheist and I agree with Embi you don't deserve to be treated like that, your family is there to stand by, protect and love you
     
  4. BinMS

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    You didn't say how old you are, but since you mentioned school, I'm going to say your still a minor. If that is the case, then you need to do what you need to do to stick it out a little while longer. Once you are 18 and have a job and can support yourself, then you can move out and live your life. There is no need to tell them anything, unless they ask, if they do, don't lie. Just live your life, and let them think what they want.
     
  5. jacotime45

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    from what i see you really only have three options: you tell your parents how you feel, you have a relationship behind their backs or you deal with a non lgtbq life
     
  6. awildscrewup

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    I am going to a counselor appointment with both of my parents next week. I've argued with my mom a couple times but that's about it.

    We are nice to eachother. I think my parents legitimately don't think about our fights or me being different, even though it's all I think about. I think the best thing would be for me to move out amicably. Maybe live with aunts while school year starts. If they'd take me. Probably not. My FTM aunt isn't in a good place financially from what I've heard. I want to meet her, though.

    I love my family so much. But when I think about the stark reality of what they're saying and believing it feels like a cheap trick. And they won't even acknowledge that what they're doing is hurting me. This all fuckin sucks. Sorry for the rant. Will update after counselor appt.
     
  7. awildscrewup

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    Recently me and my dad exchanged texts about religion. He has the same opinion every time. Apparently it's my 'lukewarm faith' that's heading me down a dark road and not the fact that both of my parents can't accept me at all.

    I've been thinking about living on the street for awhile. I just don't think I can keep doing this, acting like everything's great. I feel like I'm shriveling inside.
    Maybe if I can go somewhere, clear my head for a week or two. That seems selfish, but I know the only reason they haven't kicked me out yet is because I haven't made them mad. My family is going on a trip in a couple weeks. Maybe I can stay alone. Idk. This just isn't ok anymore.
     
  8. awildscrewup

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    About to go into counseling appt. very scared. Trying not to have panic attack thinking about it.
     
  9. awildscrewup

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    Went badly. I wish I'd never told anyone anything.
     
  10. Embi

    Embi Guest

    Why did it go badly?