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unplanned came out to 2 people and felt absolutely fine, now questioning my reaction

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Dobby, May 16, 2016.

  1. Dobby

    Regular Member

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    I was speaking to my two friends today (i've only known them a year or so). One of them super casually said they were bisexual (for the first time in our friendship),

    we then talked about it casually and he asked if we were both straight. I then said that even though i'd had boyfriends I had had my strongest feelings / been in love with a woman.

    we then carried on talking and i said i could see myself marrying a woman more than a man.

    this all came out of my mouth so naturally, i had no sweaty palms or regrets. i felt really good and really eerily calm. but i should say i asked for him not to tell anyone else and i didn't use any labelled words...i dont think i can use those, i don't know which one fits yet.

    I've only come out to one other long term friend and it involved a lot of regret, looking at the floor, not getting my words out and this was about two months ago.

    now i'm worrying...why did i feel so calm? it's giving me almost doubts...like is it normal to feel that calm when coming out? or am i wrong about myself?

    thanks
     
  2. laviedadele

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    Re: unplanned came out to 2 people and felt absolutely fine, now questioning my react

    The first person I came out to, I felt sick. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

    The person I most recently came out to, I felt very calm. Even though they were shocked and aghast (compared to the first one who was so chilled about it). I didn't care who they passed the information on to. Just felt really neutral.
     
  3. Gunsmoke

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    Re: unplanned came out to 2 people and felt absolutely fine, now questioning my react

    Everybody handles it differently, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong. Actually, whenever I tell someone I physically shake (even if it's just mentioned in casual conversation, I feel sick and anxious and my hands at least will shake with nerves and stress). Due to what I know about my personality and mental health, I made the assumption that my reactions are caused by my neuroticism, so without meaning to assume anything about you, maybe yours are simply because you feel calmer with it? Some people will feel completely calm coming out, especially if it's not their first time saying it. Hell, I know a guy who basically screams from the rooftops that he's gay. It probably has to do with several factors such as what sort of personality you have, how much you trust who you are telling, how self-conscious you are about how people will view you, but in the end everybody is different and there is no right or wrong way to feel about coming out.
     
    #3 Gunsmoke, May 16, 2016
    Last edited: May 16, 2016