It's been a week since I came out to my parents. And nothing has changed. I have talked to my parents a few times and they have not brought up the topic at all. The only thing was on Monday my dad emailed me saying he was glad I confided in them, then he reminded me that AIDS is still out there and to be careful, plus I am new to the 'scene'. I emailed him back that I am taking things slow and I joined a couple of groups to meet people. Also I know that AIDS is still around and when the time comes I would take all cautions. I don't know but they have not asked me at all about anything. My question is should I bring up the fact that I have been dating and joined a couple of meet up groups or should I wait for them to ask me? I know that they are going through an adjustment period right now even though they took it real well. I wonder if I should just give them info as they ask.
My parents have not brought it up since i told them. Every time i bring it up with thme, we fight. I told them the story about a random guy at wendys asking me if i was gay, and when my mom heard i said yes she got this look that tore a hole right through the middle of my heart. It was the most foul, disgusted, horrible look ever. Its as if i just told her that i drank a dead puppies blood or something! She says she accepts im going to be gay, but she is still adjusting to the fact that its not a shameful thing to hide from the world. The other times i talked to her about it, she just turned the entire thing into how im making her life horrible and how im a horrible son to her because i never help out and never talk to her, and she always seems to find a way to make me feel like my life is over. So basically what im saying is dont try and force the subject. Although, your parents were much better when you first came out than mine were. Still though, give it time. They will talk to you about it if they feel they need to.
Here's my two cents. If you feel like you want to tell your parents that you are dating, go ahead. But take this as a guideline: When they thought you were straight, how often did they ask if you are seeing someone new? How often did you talk to them about dating? If you resume the routine you had before outing yourself, they may feel more comfortable with you discussing prospective boyfriends (manfriends?). Hope that helps.
From your past posts, I think your parents are quite comfortable with who you are and are leaving the ball in your court. If you were straight, would you want them calling you everyday asking how your love life is? Did they do it before you came out to them? I think you're worried that they're brooding and that is just your mind racing for no reason. Relax, they love you. Your 40 years old and they know that. As for the AIDS remark, fathers will be fathers no matter how old you are. Surprised mom hasn't asked if you're wearing clean underwear.... Walk Proud (and stop worrying)
My mom occasionally asked if I was dating anyone. To tell you the truth, I have been on more dates the last few months that I have over the past 5 years. I was not surprised about the AIDS comment. It did not offend at all. Even though I am 40 they are my parents. From some postings and from going to the PFLAG meeting. Its one thing coming out to parents and they may be fine with it. Dating however can be tough on the parents and can open a whole can of worms.
Hi Ed, I think ,if they ask,you should tell them. If someone you meet becomes an important part of your life,you can decide whether to bring it up. It all depends on the situation and how you feel,at the time. P.S. I think your father is great! He proved that it's okay with him,but as a parent,had to tell you to be safe. That's cool. I think both of your parents are wonderful.
As you said, it's a bit of a transition period for them, so for the moment I would only bring it up if they ask. But they are your parents, and as your dad said he was glad you confided in them, I'm sure they'll want you to continue to do so, even if it is a bit awkward for them. So give them a bit of time, but if there's anything that you really want to discuss with them, I'm sure they'd want you to feel comfortable talking to them.
You could tell them if you want but if you meet someone serious you should probably mention something. Pique their interest a little. Make them curious and want to know more so you don't actually have to say something-- you know?
I'd tell them, but keep it casual. Don't call them up specifically to "break the news", but next time you're together, or on the phone chatting, you can bring it up. "I've gone on a couple dates - nothing really serious yet." Lex
I agree with Lex. You are out, don't go back in the closet. Don't tip-toe around the subject of dating or your support groups but don't make a big deal out of it either. Your parents have fears which is normal. They become less fearful the more they know about your life. Greg.....your mom may have freaked out a bit because if some stranger in Wendy's knows your gay, then she probably thinks EVERYONE knows your gay and she is just coming to terms with that herself. That probably wasn't a good story to share with your mom. Know what I mean? Your mom is at a very different place. I wouldn't shut the door of communication on her either but save the good positive stories for her that won't freak her out quite as much as some stranger coming up to you at Wendys.
