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Urgently Need Help

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JAA1297, May 21, 2016.

  1. JAA1297

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi everyone,

    Back in November, I came out to myself and later that month I came out to my mom. I've always known that she is completely against lgbt issues and believes it's a choice that people make. When I came out to her, she was mad at me and told me that I need to fix this problem. Sensing that pushing her about the fact I can't change wasn't going to help at all since she is firm in her views, I said "fine, I'll fix myself" that way she would leave me alone and when I am more independent I can come out for real. In the meanwhile, she took me to a Christian therapist because she wanted to fix me. She didn't tell my why she took me to therapy. Yesterday, my mom came in to my session with the therapist because she wanted an update on how I am doing. I have come out to my therapist and she knows my situation, and during the discussion she alluded to the fact that I'm gay and that I'm not ready to tell her that. When I got to the car my mom flipped out on me and started fighting with me for a good 45-50 minutes in the car, at the end she asked me for my last chance to get help from her to fix me, I said "no" obviously, so she got really mad, drove home, and when she got to the garage she told me to never talk to her again, and that she will never be my mother if I "choose" to be gay and then she told me that if she tells my dad I will get kicked out of the house. This was last night, and I tried to talk to my dad but he doesn't know what is going on, he thinks this is just a regular argument between me and my mom so he told me to wait one day and then he will talk to me. I don't know what to do now
     
  2. Bright Eyes

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    Oh goodness. That sounds awful, I'm sorry. Are you a minor? Do you live with your parents?
    If you fear for your physical safety, you should tell a responsible adult immediately (a therapist or teacher especially)
    Is there any way you could stay at a friend or accepting relative's house while this blows over a little?
     
  3. whizbang

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  4. JAA1297

    Regular Member

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    I was a minor when I first came out, I turned 18 in December. This morning my dad said he is taking my mom out for a little to make her happy and he will talk to me when he gets home. So whenever he gets home I'll come out to him and see what happens. Thanks everyone for your help
     
  5. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi,

    I'm so sorry your mom reacted as she did. I can imagine how hurtful and difficult and painful it must have been to have her react in that way.

    What I can tell you is that the overwhelming majority of parents do eventually come around. When anyone processes a loss (in this case, loss of perception you're straight)
    there are stages in processing that loss: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. They aren't always sequential, but they all happen. What you described about her behavior sounds exactly like the "anger" stage (with a little "bargaining" as well... that's
    the "Well, you're gay but I'll take you to a therapist who can fix you" part)

    Please keep us informed. There are resources available to you if you need them and we can help you locate them if needed.
     
  6. YermanTom

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    Location:
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    WOW!
    You are in a difficult situation.

    Religious people can be very fixes in their views. I have two aunts that are nuns (one a former reverend mother). Both are VREY religious but they have learned to be accepting of LGBT people (BTW I'm not out to them).

    The only thing I can think of is to introduce your parents to LGBT supportive pastors /clergy. You'll need to do a bit of research to find your nearest suitable church.

    Best of luck.

    The only other option is to tell them 'it was a phase' and go back into the closet until you are able to be totally independent. A solution only if you are desperate.

    We are you your family now.

    (&&&)