Although i am still in the closet, i feel the best about myself when i am acting myself, not a product of what surrounds me. When i am being myself, i feel good about being gay. My self confidence builds, - and fast, i feel invincible. But as soon as someone says something negative about gays, or i get called gay, my tower of confidence falls, fast. I automatically go back into my shell, into my closet. I feel stupid and my self esteem drops like a ton of bricks. All this up and down of confidence makes me feel really anxious about coming out. Im tired of wanting to be straight, pretending to be straight. What i want now is the courage to come out of the closet, and be proud of being gay. I want to be able to hold my head up high and feel good about being gay, no matter what anyone else thinks. Has anyone else been where i am now? Can anyone help me gain true self confidence about being true to myself?
Hey there:smilewave I'm in the same boat as you for the most part. If someone does figure out how, let me know too:dry: lol All that I know is to act the way you feel comfortable, even if it is eccentric people might not jump straight to the conclusion that you're gay... What would I know? Welcome WW
Yes, I can fully relate to where you are in life, as I was there once too. I think you already have your answer. Although coming out seems so daunting and insurmountable, it's really not. Like I said, I was where you are at one point, and a point will come where you finally go from wishing you didn't care what people think to actually not caring what people think. For me, it came once I broke down after years of repression and denial. Hopefully, you'll get there far sooner than what I did. I mean, right now, it sounds to me like you're already there and just need that last little bit of motivation, so lemme give it a try here... The build-up to coming out is the hardest part, and saying it the first time is almost gut-wrenching, BUT, but, it gets easier every time you say it. Every time you acknowledge it and are honest about it, it becomes ever-increasingly a part of you, to the point where eventually, your entire outlook on life will be far better than it was before. You won't have to pretend or lie or wonder what could be. Let me put it like this-my roommate was helping me wax my car the other day, and he remarked that my outlook on life has been far better in the past few months (since I've come out) than it ever had been in the time we've been friends. It's made that much of a difference. So, at the risk of sounding like a cheesy inspirational movie, you already possess all you need to do this. You just need to take a moment to figure out what to do with it.
Do you think you're overly sensitive to negative gay comments? You don't have to be. Good luck (*hug*)
I have experienced a HUGE improvement in my outlook on life in the last few months, despite having gone through a pretty rough time. I attribute it almost entirely to me now being honest with myself, and accepting me for who I am. Its a really powerful thing - acceptance. I guess I'm really lucky to live where I do or to have the friends and co-workers that I do - because I simply don't ever hear negative / homophobic comments. So there is'nt a down-side or anything that causes me to go farther into the closet... I'm sure I'll feel even better once I'm 'out' or more open about things. But I'm allowing myself time for that - one thing at a time... Good luck.
