Advice on how to come out to a friend

Have you considered coming out to your parents? Perhaps talk to your grandma about it. Coming out can really lift the burden of having to keep a secret. As long as there is no risk of them throwing you out, they most likely will come round and be accepting in time, so it should work out better in the long run. As for friends, just talk to them. You can try gauge their response to LGBT issues to know if they are really against it beforehand, but as I like to think, if someone can't accept you for who you are, they aren't your real friend.

 

If your grandma, who came from a more conservative time can handle it, then I'm sure your parents can. It probably won't be pleasant, but as somebody who can speak from experience, the longer you hold it in the more it hurts to do so.

Just remember when you tell your parents to be considerate of their feelings. Neither of them probably went out dead set on their child being gay when they decided to have kids, and it's going to be a little blind siding. Give them the time and space they need. And just in case you think there's a risk of being thrown out then talk to grandma, see if she can offer you a place to stay afterwards just in case that happens.

Good luck!

 

Just so you know, as this forum can show you, you're not alone in the process and most definitely no in the feeling of being scared.

Coming out is a process and the first and most important thing is that you feel comfortable and ready to tell whoever you wish to. You should ask yourself why you feel scared? I know that personally, I only really felt scared when I felt unsure about their reaction whereas with most people you can somewhat have an assumption/expectation of how good/bad they might react.

Have you ever spoken to them about LGBTQ+? if not maybe you can bring it up to see how they react? and if you know that they shouldn't have a problem with it then go for it! Of course this is better said then done but its just about pushing yourself a bit. Everyone that's worth it will accept you and love you no matter what - even if it does take them a bit of time to get used to it, you should be patient too.

Also, you might want to start by telling one of your closest friends or a person who you know you can count on. It'll be less scary if you know you have someone there regardless.

 

I won't lie to you~with that said, I also don't want to scare you either. "Coming out" is hard, no matter the age and to whom it is. Whether family, friend, coworker, or stranger. Most of my coming out stories are not very pretty. But, I have some that turned out wonderful. Almost movie like. So... With that said. I have a few things you could try.

If the person you are wanting to come out to is a girl. Try renting a couple of movies. Start with 'The Duff' and then after 'G.B.F-Gay Best Friend'. Being gay I have noticed in some states in the schools is now a fad and is widely more accepted now. But, it's not always the case. But, back to the point. During 'G.B.F' gauge their reaction... To the characters, content, their relationships, how they interact, and the general movie experience. You might be surprised. If they are really into it, chances are they want a GBF which could be you.

Say you were curious about 'The Duff' you heard it was funny, read some reviews or whatever and that you rented 'G.B.F' out of morbid curiosity, or it was suggested, either way some how in the sense it was more for them and not you, you could even play it off you didn't even know what it was or that you thought it was like the other movie. They might just flat out ask you or casually bring it up. Either way, that is a popular movie and could help break the ice in telling them.

Could find out what they thought about a current gay member of your community, someone you both know in your school or what not. Or a celebrity. Ellen Page (Inception, X-Men, Juno) for instance took her girlfriend with her to a red carpet showing. Wentworth Miller (Resident Evil, Prison Break) has been in recent headlines as a supposed boyfriend of Luke Macfarlane (Brothers & Sisters, Mercy Street). Could bring that up in conversation and gauge the reaction as well.

When I came out to my cousin she had been staying the weekend with me. Where I lived at the time in Alderson, WV there wasn't and to this day still not much all to do. We were just walking around town when we came upon the local Subway restaurant. I noticed my older sisters friend working there and went in to say hi. My cousin didn't really speak, I found later she was unable to for what she had seen transpire. After leaving I asked her why she had been so quiet, her reply. "Jaydlebeedle (A nickname she gave me) is he.... Umm... gay?"

I told her that yes, he was. That I hadn't known him long but for him to come over to our house one night to watch movies with my sister he wanted to make sure her hot brother would be there, she thought it was my/our brother he was talking about so jokingly told him no that he was going out with his girlfriend and begged if he'd be willing to look at the nerdy one as a substitute if she talked him to staying home to watch movies with them. He ended up laughing and told her that he had been talking about the nerdy one.

"But, Jaydle... Hun, I think you don't get it. He's got a crush. Did you not pay attention to how he acted... I mean, I know we weren't in there very long... He didn't even look at me. And before you say anything, come on now! I'm not ugly, lol. I know he isn't "in" to girls, but even saying hi. His eyes never left you. Doesn't that make you... I don't know... Feel, well feel odd or wierd?"

I had never really thought that much about it. I mean, myself... Yes, I had. Also, major issues there. But, I never thought about how others looked at me or how just the thought of how others looked at me could change perspective. We walked in silence why I pondered. Then, I ended up asking her if it was normal. Of course, it wasn't... Most people would be weirded out or offended. But, I had been smiling. I asked if I could take her to my favorite spot, I needed to talk to her.

So, we went to the bridge above the train tracks. It also splits the town in 2, due to a river that goes down the middle. Only access from one side to the other. Right under was an alcove near the top, wear it connected to the ground. I loved it when the cars drove above or when the train went by. Anyways... I proceeded to tell her that I thought that maybe, just maybe the reason why it never bothered me was because after all the hype and the girly things I had done. I didn't see that it was so bad and that it didn't bother me because maybe, just maybe I was too. I asked her if she hated me or if it would change anything.

She laughed, hugged, and replied "Oh hunny, I already knew. I was just waiting for you to tell me. Took you long enough. You know, OH MY GOD! We should have been brother and sister. We have soooo much more in common now. Btw, you were flirting. You are so oblivious. You need to be more careful when flirting so you don't lead anyone on That was a dead giveaway and not to mention it's not the first time I've seen you do it. That's why I didn't say anything... Umm-I'm spending the weekend with you, you're not supposed to make me the third wheel mister. Remember that next time."

So, chances are the girls know. They are just waiting. The guys... Well, that is a different scenario in and of itself. But, trust your instinct... You'll know which guys will take to it and those it will be an issue. Gauge their reaction and opinions toward lgbt politics and media, example the celebrities! ~_^

The Worst Foe Lies Within The Self.