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A Religious Family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by musiclife, May 29, 2016.

  1. musiclife

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    NC
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Lets get down to business. I'm out to my friends and anyone who really asks, unless that anyone is part of my family. No one in my family knows. Well, no one in my family has confronted me about it and told me they suspect or know. I have had plenty of opportunities to come out to multiple family members, but i never do. If half of my family wasn't so religious, this would be easier. My parents and my oldest sister are all very Mormon, republican, conservative, anti-gay marriage (my grandma is disgusted by the fact that gay marriage is legal) people. They aren't hateful in any way. They absolutely love one of my gay friends, but i'm afraid that it'll be different with me.

    I feel like i'm rambling.

    My point. For anyone out there who had to come out to a religious family, how did you do it? How did you get the courage to tell them? I'm leaving for college in a few months and i really want them to know before i leave.
     
  2. ConnectedToWall

    Regular Member

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    Well, I would just say to prepare yourself for the worst, maybe hope for the best though? If they are really as religious as you say, they may not accept that your sexuality is what it is, and they may try to change you. Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself or send you to some 'gay conversion' place. Make sure it is safe to come out to them before you do.
     
  3. MrHojalata98

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    My family was far from being the most religious, but I would think they'd fall under that category. If you're thinking of telling them, the most important advice I can give you, be patient. And realize that these things aren't easy for a lot of people. When I first came out, my mother cried. My dad couldn't even look at me in the eyes for a month. And yet, while that time was easily some of the hardest I've ever lived through, years later I've come to not justify.. but understand their reactions. It took me years to come to terms and accept my sexuality, it was unfair of me to expect them to accept it seconds after hearing the news. The best thing, I think, you could do regarding their religious views is to educate yourself. Just how there are people who use their religion to forward the idea that homosexuality is a sin, there are just as many religious people ready and willing to dispute any and every one of their claims. I'd be happy to help in any way I could, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be of much help being that I'm not religious myself. But the internet is a wonderful place, do some research on what could be negatively said about LGBT people under religious claims, and just practice what you would say or do if anyone from your family were to say such things. Saying that however, realize you're not debating your family if you're trying to come out. I don't know how close you are to your family, or how important you consider them to your life, but know that from my experience, most parents even when they don't agree, are more worried about your safety not what Leviticus or any other bible verse might say. So whatever their reaction, try to remain calm, even if their reaction is negative acknowledge their feelings but don't waiver. If you are completely comfortable and sure of your sexuality, make sure they completely understand that. Make it clear that you understand if they need time, and you'll give it to them, but that especially now that you're leaving for college, you want to be able to start living your life as exactly who you are and that you'd love if they could be a part of that. Again I'm sorry if I wasn't very helpful with the whole religious part of your question, especially since that was mostly what your post focused on, but if there's anything I can help with please don't hesitate to message me. Either privately or not.