Hi so I'm new and a little nervous. :help: I'm a 14 year old female (I know I'm young, but please bare with me) and I've been questioning my sexuality for a year before now. I've come to realize that I want to come out to my boyfriend and my parents. Let me explain. (I know it's long but please please please read it all, I really need advice ) It started when I began getting these weird intense longings to be a gay guy. I totally thought I was mental and kinda kept it to myself. It's just that I really really hated being seen as a girl, and thought I might like it better as a guy. I still had a fondess for men, however, so I figured a gay guy would be the best way to go. This later changed when I researched 'transgender'. So, I've come to realize that I'm fine with my body and I don't really want anything to permanantly change. In fact, the idea of surgery terrifies me because I absolutely hate massive commitments. The commitment to go ftm seems to comme really easy to transgenders, so I no longer think I'm trans. I kind of just dropped the thought, stowing it away where no one could find it until recently. I discovered CROSSDRESSING. This was a major breakthrough for me because I felt like it would totally help with my issue of being viewed as a girl, but not liking surgery. I can't start binding/crossdressing till later on in life though, because I haven't been able to talk to my parents about it. I just think they'll think I'm some weird fangirl that wants to dress like male characters, or that they'll miss the idea entirely. I share a really close relationship with them, so I think they'll accept it but I know my dad will silently not like it and think it's weird, even though I know he loves me. That's the first issue that needs help please. Second issue is that I've had two boyfriends, the first for a month (and then I broke it off) and the second is still going (up to maybe 2-3 weeks now). My last boyfriend I had a casual crush on, the crush then escalated and I asked him out. 3 weeks into the relationship I started feeling a weird disliking, like I had just stopped liking him and didn't want to be in a relationship. I broke it off. This boyfriend (it's been around 6 1/2 months since the first) I met and we had SO MANY SIMILARITIES. I absolutely fell for him and figured I could keep this going for ages....until I stopped liking him. It was abrupt just like the first time. I started wondering if I didn't like guys like that and talked to my mom about it (not really saying that I was straight/lesbian, but just asking casually about it). She brought up the fact that you can be lesbian and still like males, it's just that you don't wanna have sex with them or necessarily have a relationship with them. Is that correct? Because that's exactly how I feel. I've come to realize that and realized that while I have had many crushes on male actors, I don't want a relationship with them, I just think that they are attractive (hot) or that I would want to be friends with them/get to know them/idolize them. These thoughts escalated into the realization that I might have a crush on one of my FEMALE friends. She's straight and has a boyfriend, which is fine, I respect that, but I what this all draws down to is that I need advice. I'm still 'dating' my boyfriend, but it's nothing serious and we haven't even been to a movie or anything. He's very nice but I think I'm a lesbian (along with a part-time crossdresser) so I think I need to break up with him. I feel like he's not going to understand what I'm going through and he'll just think I'm trying to get rid of him because of something that he did. What is the best way to explain it to him? Am I right to assume any of this at all? Are any of these ideas correct (lesbian/crossdresser/feelings in general)? PLEASE HELP! ps. sorry for the rambling
Hi, I'll try answer your questions to the best of my knowledge and personal experience. I may be way off the mark but I hope I can be of some help. What your mom said is correct, kind of. Sexual orientation isn't a one or the other box. It can be better described as a scale from one to the other and it can change over time. This means you can be straight, lesbian or somewhere in-between. For example, I'm bisexual meaning I like both guys and girls, but usually I lean more towards liking girls. This varies a bit, sometimes I have a Bf and other times I have a GF. Not sure if that applies to you, but it is food for thought none the less. Which gender(s) you are romantically or sexually attracted doesn't have to be the same. From my experience, I'm both towards the opposite gender but mainly only romantically towards guys. As for your boyfriend, communication is important in any relationship. Talk to him about it, if he is a good friend, he will try and understand and if not we'll... If you are sure you don't want to continue or make it serious, then you should break up sooner than later. This will reduce how much people get hurt. I can only suggest you sit down with him and have a talk to him. You can straight up tell him or gauge his opinion on the matter by discussing lgbt issues.
Thank you! I appreciate your help! This definitely helped me out. I told my boyfriend and we broke up, he took it really well and is being pretty supportive about it. For now I indentify as a lesbian, but I'm open to change later on in life. Thanks again! This really helped me sort things out!
