I am 47, married 20 years and finally after battling alcoholism coming to terms that I am gay. I unfortunately haven't fully come out to my wife, she is holding out hope that I am going through a faze, wouldn't that be simpler. What I can't understand is why I am so damn scared, is it the fear of the unknown(being single again, dating men, having sex), I don't know. I have known of my feelings for men since I was a teen, but because of many factors I wouldn't pursue those feelings and desire. I put up this front of a macho womanizer but always feeling ashamed of how I felt, and what I truly desired. I have had a few hookups while I have been married, none were fulfilling, and always feeling shame and self loathing afterward. Now here it is mid forties and feeling like a confused teenager but with a ton of baggage. I am getting counseling to work through my life, I guess I am just looking for others who are or have gone through a mid life change as I am. My counselor is telling me what I'm going through is normal when someone starting to lead an authentic life, what I don't get is why it's so damn scary. I am looking forward to any responses, thank you.
We all have gone through this, going through, or like you are preparing to go through. Its the scariest thing you will ever do in your life hands down. Reason is you are lettering the world know about you as a person, and opening up doors for them to judge you. We also have a fear of the unknown like how those we know, love and care about will treat us. Will we loose our friends. All that comes into account when it comes to fear of coming out. I know I am a lot younger then you, 26, however when I was going to come out I could not even take my math exam correctly I bombed it because I was so hung up on how life would change, yes people think life changes completely when you come out. It doesn't much depending on your situation. This is from my point of view but I know your in a really different situation that I went through I hope I answered you question on why its so scary. Hopefully someone who went through a similar situation will post. Also check out LGBT later in Life, that's when most of the older ones post. Good luck let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
