It's really strange how things can be amazingly wonderful and completely depressing all at the same time. Today, the guy I have a rather large crush on asked me to room with him in college. So, here are some pertinent details: - I have already applied for and been assigned to housing. I was way on top of things and applied in November, and got my assignment last Saturday. - I got assigned to my first-choice dorm. - He just applied for housing today. TODAY. I mean, seriously! - He put me as his preferred roommate, and specified that his roommate selection was more important that his dorm selection. - I could request a reassignment, and specify him as my preferred roommate and whatnot, but it isn't a 100% sure thing that it'll be honored. That said, if it isn't I will still have my place in the first dorm. So my question is, what do I do? We've been friends for four years now. That, coupled with the fact that I'm crushing major, makes me feel a little bit obligated to do this. He seemed a little bit concerned to be getting a roommate he may not know. I'm not horribly sympathetic to this as college is about meeting new people and he's outgoing and people generally like him. So I just don't know. I feel like it is a good opportunity for us to get closer, at least as friends. At the same time, I feel like it would be totally unethical of me to try to room with my crush. And honestly, I'd prolly just feel like crap at some point down the line. As is usually the case with gay/straight crushes, I've wondered about his sexuality. But the fact is I don't know at this point, and I think I'd feel like I was exploiting the situation. He does not know, at least not for sure, that I am gay. On a not entirely separate topic, two of my friends are expecting me to live off-campus with them and I really have no desire nor intention to do so. But I have no idea how to tell them this. But it sort of ties in with the first thing, so I thought I'd throw this in. Oh, you guys. I'm still months and months away from college and am already feeling completely stressed.
No, and that's another thing: I plan to be out in college. Like, once I'm moved in I'm going to talk to people about it and set my Facebook "interested in" to men (you know... make it official). But I dunno if being in this situation will hold me back.
I would suggest rooming with whoever will help you be out and be yourself. If you have anyone you think you could be out with, try to room with them. If this friend your crushing on is going to be hard to come out to, i would re-think it.
Probably having someone you know from highschool WILL make you want to take things slower. It sounds like you want a new start? A clean slate? But with someone that you know from before you might be a bit iffy. Like it doesn't really matter what stranger think but someone you've known for a while, their thoughts and words sink into you. right? i think before you go any further you should talk to your friend about your sexuality
You do NOT want to room with someone you have a crush on who is (statistically speaking) likely to be straight. That is setting yourself up for a torturous situation. It wouldn't be exploitation, it would be sheer stupidity. Totally understandable but completely counterproductive, especially given your plans to be out at uni. As for your friends, why do they expect you to live off-campus with them if you've had your dorm application in since November? Have you just neglected to mention that to them or are they just really presumptuous? You might want to clear that up sooner rather than later. Just tell them you want to experience life on campus. You can always live off-campus later on.
before u room with the guy, id say tell him. that way if u did end up in the same room and u tell him, he wont get freaked out or anything. plus, when u do tell him and he still wants to room with u, then u just got yourself a kick ass straight friend (unless he turned out to be gay too and then your all set!)
^ Totally agree! You were proactive and applied (and got) what you wanted. Stick with that. The fact is that you're going to be living on campus with this guy - isn't that close enough? Living in the same room with a straight guy that you have a crush on WILL be tortuous. I don't think Joey was exagerating at all. Just tell him that you both would benefit from meeting and room with new people. It will force you to engage with new people when you arrive at college. That's a good thing. Let him know that you're looking forward to hanging out with him though. (Because I'm sure you are!) And yes - tell your other friends that you're really looking forward to meeting new people and getting that 'first year at college' experience by living in residence. Let them know that you might consider living with them next year. Good luck - and have a blast!
That stress will get better -and worse- as college gets closer. I'm sorry you feel so conflicted. I do agree with the others, that (if you're okay with and are ready) maybe you should tell this to your friend. Not necessarily that you have a crush on him, but about being gay, and start that coming out process. I can't know how that would go, since I don't know you or your friend, but that honesty could be a good idea. Let us know how it goes, and good luck with however you decide.
Wow, this is quite complicated. You need to create a decision tree or something :dry: If you are certain you don't want him as a roommate, you could ask him to remove your name from preferred roommate and explain that you want to room with a new person to help you start meet new people. If you wouldn't mind him as a roommate, you should wait and see if somehow he gets into your dorm room. If that happens, for your sanity, then I think you really need to get to a point of not crushing on him. The best way is to come out to him. You have a reason: wanting to be honest with him about who he is rooming with. You could even ask if he was gay too, because on the flip side you want to know as much about him as well. Then if he says he's straight, you will know it, and can move beyond crushing on a straight guy, but still have a friend (easier said than done!) If he says he's gay, then there you go :eusa_danc Oh and those other friends that want you to live off-campus - that's easy. Just say you want to live in the dorms to meet new people. That's normal - they are the ones who are being the exception.
I say tell him. If he truely is a friend he will accept you. Maybe not at first as getting that kind of information can be harsh to someone really close to you. On the other hand if he were to be gay, or bi, then you have it made. I feel exactly like ur friend. I didn't go to a public college partly because of what people would think of me and having to room with someone I do not know. I'm a very shy guy, lol.. The other part not going to public college was health issues. I just say tell him or as him what he thinks about gays.
I'd say stick with the room you've got. Rooming with him is a pretty dangerous move as it stands, and there's no reason to give up your killer room because of it. Don't be snubby about it, though. "Wow, had I known you wanted to room with me, I would've had you fill out your stuff, and we could have submitted together." Lex
