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Tips on accpting myself?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by findingjoy, Jun 3, 2016.

  1. findingjoy

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    I have found it very powerful to just write "I am gay" or look at myself in the mirror and say "I am gay"
    But I know I need to do more.
    I admit I am scared as hell right now. Not even about if work, family, friends find out, but just me accepting it.

    Any tips? I am not looking for magic pills, just some advice.
     
  2. Embi

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    The first thing is patience, I'd say. After thinking or hoping you were straight for years, it's not always easy to immediatetly accept yourself as a gay person.

    Some things you could do:
    - watch LGBT+ friendly tv shows / read LGBT+ friendly books
    - go to pride
    - watch queer YouTubers
    - try to find other queer people to talk to and become friends with
    - join a local pride club
     
  3. SpaceOddity

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    I don't think you need to bombard yourself in LGBT culture to accept yourself. I don't even go to Pride, personally.

    The best thing you can do is the surround yourself with good, positive people who will accept you for who you are and in turn you will accept yourself.
     
  4. gryf

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    You're likely to be scared, I was and still am. That's OK.
    No one chooses their sexuality. It just is.
    Remind yourself you are normal.
    Remind yourself gay doesn't mean broken.
    You know it's true, so denying it will only cause internal pain.
    If you have someone you know will accept you, preferably someone who you trust and can be supportive, try telling that person. Telling just one person is scary as hell, but it lifts a great weight and eases your mind.

    Internally. Recognize and self hate or self correcting. If you think, I came X because it's gay, stop a moment and think "it's OK, I CAN feel this way. I'm gay, and that is OK with me"
    If you find yourself scolding because you had gay thoughts, immediately think again, "this is who I am, I cannot change out. I accept myself for who I am"

    Even just thinking the words can help. Constantly rebutting your negative thoughts will help you through.
     
  5. findingjoy

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    Thanks! I am building up the courage to come out to a friend tonight.
     
  6. findingjoy

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    Thank you, it's comforting to know other people have the same fears and dislikes...and reject some of the 'dogma' if that's the right word.

    ---------- Post added 25th Jun 2016 at 10:07 PM ----------

    When i say to myself 'i a gay' i feel free, liberated, and its not even about sex.. but i don't know if it is true or just lust...

    there are plenty of things people must deny themselves that hurt themselves to deny - drug and alcohol addicts don't just 'give in'

    If i gave into my 'passion ' for food i would weight 300 lbs but I do need to eat....
     
  7. artsy3376

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    I'm definitely not an expert at being gay - I'm still trying to figure all of this out too, but I REALLY don't think being gay can be compared to being an alcoholic or drug addict. I mean I think I kind of understand what you are trying to say, but if looking yourself in the mirror and saying, "I am gay" makes you feel free and liberated, chances are that's your inner self trying to tell you something. In life, when you open yourself up and you feel free and liberated, that's usually because you are allowing yourself to feel something genuine. When addicts think about their alcoholism, drug problem, or food addiction they don't feel liberated - they feel stuck, overwhelmed, and out of control.
     
  8. findingjoy

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    Hi thanks, this is very insightful, sorry I didn't mean it negatively but rather just the idea of basing a decision entirely on emotion.
     
  9. mvp 447

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    I feel entirely the same. Just saying I'm bi and that's ok HAS BEEN HUGE.
     
  10. PlaidGlove

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    Find two places

    First, find a place of calm and quiet, preferably in natural surroundings. Just sit down and take the time to be alone with yourself. Ask yourself how you are feeling. Let whatever emotions that come, come. Don't push them away. Name the feelings and embrace them. Know that your emotions are not your enemy. They are part of the evolutionary heritage that now forms what you call "me", which is fixed upon survival. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that you need to feel. Have compassion for yourself. Tell yourself what you would tell a good friend who felt what you are feeling. Take your time. Do the same thing at least once a week.

    Second, find a place where there are people and sit down for a little while. Notice how busy they are going about their own business. Try to imagine their lives: what their careers are, whether they're involved or in love with someone, what kinds of disappointments and joys life has brought them and how they may or may not cope with them. Each of them has a story and past unique to them, full of pains and pleasures that only they fully understand. At least one in ten of them is going to be gay. Then turn the focus to yourself, look at how you are one of all these people. One amongst many—one amongst the many numbers that hide your uniqueness yet also—when examined—reveals it.
     
  11. RGEm

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    I found that coming out to a close friend really helped me accept myself. They were really reassuring and we talked about it for a while and then we just talked about stuff we normally talked about. I guess it helped me realise that I'm perfectly normal, and that I have great people in my life who will support me.

    Also just saying it to yourself like what you have been doing helps as well, along with EC and youtubers or LGBT friendly tv :slight_smile:
     
  12. Unicorn101

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    I personally found that the most helpful advice wasn't by bombarding myself with culture, but by finding a positive message in a medium that spoke to me. So naturally it was books. Not even LGBT books but just books where characters struggled with something internal. Books showcase not only how a character interacts with the world but how they are thinking and feeling. It showcases how they process the feelings and sometimes thats the most valuable. Then find your narrative, the story of your life and figure out to come to terms with this revelation from there.

    No one knows how you think better then you, but even the best navigator is better with a map.
     
  13. mvp 447

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    I repressed my bisexuality for 25+ years and I HATED and wanted to kill myself because of it. Well, what got me over it? For one, my amazing, wonderful wife helped a lot, a whole lot. Another thing was that I realized society wasn't nearly as disapproving as it had been, and why did I think it was so evil? Because I let society brainwash me. I also saw a lot of evidence that homosexuality is much more common in nature than was previously believed. I also had experiences with men and enjoyed them, so it was a combination of factors. Do NOT allow society to make you hate yourself.
     
  14. steellord1234

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    well i tried going to my college's GSA meeting, only to discover they were not a support group at all, but rather a political one with fringe goals like picketing the united way fundraiser...i dropped them quickly because it was so attention grabbing, whereas i'm an introvert. I just wanted other gay people my age to talk to

    sometimes your own plans will be foiled, such is the nature of finding yourself, but you always have options. Remember too, nothing you do or feel in the early process is a reflection on YOU. You've been driven to these difficulties, and you deserve better. Some positive reinforcement could be in order. Maybe just observe some others who are open about their sexuality, having a good time. You can see that it's no big deal, and you'll find a niche. It's hard to accept it yourself if you're hiding it, but you'll get there