I'm just wondering --- is it a must that I need to declare my sexuality to the world? I know who I am and what I want out of life, but it feels like people will not validate my sexuality unless I proclaim it. Everyone wants a long speech about how, why, and when, but I don't feel as though I owe that. I'm twenty-three years old, I've always been bisexual. I can remember being more attracted to girls when I was younger than I was boys. I never realized that there was a definition for this until I was fourteen, where I thought I was a lesbian. I told only one person, my best friend at the time. The whole "coming out" thing felt forced, and I honestly wasn't sure why I needed to conform to these rules in order to feel satisfied about my sexuality. I have never "come out" since, especially not to my family. I wonder, is it necessary? Do I really need to sit my family down and say that I'm bisexual, that I prefer women more than men? Would it be completely unacceptable for me to one day bring a woman home who just so happens to be my girlfriend, and when asked if I am gay, to say no? I'm not gay, not in the whole sense of the word. Why is it that people who are heterosexual don't need to proclaim it, yet people in the LGBT+ community feel they have to? I am no different than anyone else, I just have different tastes romantically. I don't see the point in having to prove myself when I already know who I am, in and out. I guess I'm just trying to figure out a way to tell my family, without actually telling them --- you know? I don't want it to be a shock, but I also don't feel I need to have the long drawn out talk about how I came to be this way. I always have been, simple as that. Any thoughts?
I've had *exactly* the same thoughts. And with being in a straight relationship, it makes for an even stronger result of "So what?" It might help to purge any doubt about prejudiced people around you or just give a bit of insight into what makes you tick, but other than that, I don't see it as absolutely necessary. It has got to be a lot more important for 100% gay types, because otherwise people expect them to be straight and there's no good way for them to live up to that. If ever I break up with my gf (whom I love so heaven forbid) I do plan on telling a few more people. It would make a difference in attempts to hook me up with dates.
If it's important to you to do it or you feel like a certain person would benefit from a prior warning before you bring a girl home, then come out. Otherwise, if there aren't going to be any problematic consequences of not coming out, then you don't need to.
I have mixed feelings about it. When I was younger, I resented the idea of coming out - I'd never claimed to be straight, why should I have to announce that I wasn't? I still feel that way as a matter of principle. However, in practical terms, I think it's better to come out sooner rather than later, otherwise it starts to hang over you and becomes a bit awkward. For example, there will be times when things come up in conversation where you'll have to make the choice between lying by omission and saying "Actually, I'm into women too". Which is fine if you want to come out that way, but I'm guessing that most people would rather not be put on the spot at a random moment like that. And then you keep avoiding it and avoiding it and it becomes an actual lie as opposed to something that you just haven't mentioned yet. I do think bringing home a girlfriend some day is a totally fine way to do it, but that's somewhat reliant on you doing that in the relatively near future.
I never felt the need to come out, either. If anyone asked, I would say I was bi, but I never "came out". I also never allowed myself to date a woman, though. I "came out" earlier this year, but it wasn't a huge "I'm a lesbian" thing, it was more "Just so you know the person I'm dating is a woman." However, as I've realized that I'm not bi, and I'm wanting people to stop pushing me to date men now that the woman I was dating and I broke up, I tell people I am a lesbian. It's easier out than hiding for me.
