So far I've came out two times. to my mother ,with who I live, and to 2 friends+ my borther. Everytime I was so drunk I can barely remember it. It'S actually the only way Icould do it, everyr time I tried sober, I'd choke and not talk about it. In 3 days i'm supposed to see my father ( who I only see about once a month and am not that close to) and I want to come out to him. Also I have no idea of his opinion about lgbt people. I'm not dependant of him financially or anything so I don't risk anything telling him, but it makes me kinda anxious. it'll be the first time I come out without drinking before. Do you have any trick to not choke and back out? To come out to him when I'm in front of him. I wanted to do it last two times I met him but just changed my mind and said nothing.
Do you want to come out to him face to face? You might think it's important to tell other people verbally, but if you really put some effort into it, you can say what you are thinking just as well in a letter or email. Is that an option for you? Have a look at the letters that other EC members have sent and then decide: Empty Closets - Coming Out Letters
I've considered a email before but I think I prefer to say it face to face. To see his reaction and because I already rarely talk to him and a letter feels distant. Also I'm bad at writing I ramble alot and would have to say more in a letter than simply "I'm gay" while I can only say that and be done with it face to face
If there's a chance it won't go well, neither of you should be drinking at the time. If you're the only one drinking, then I guess it'd be OK if you need that. Would any of the other people you've come out to be able to help you? Which means being present, or helping you in some way. You could enlist their help in basically outing yourself to your father. It would get the ball rolling. If you do not have much of a relationship with him, use an email or a paper letter. You're not close to him, by your own statement. Although you're not close to him, it's very obvious what his opinion of you is, matters to you. This is a fact that could be the start of your letter, as you ask him for his acceptance, while making clear that you have accepted yourself and expect his support, but that you value his acceptance. If you're not close to him, he may deflect your statement in person, which will leave you feeling empty. If you give him a letter, he can consider it as he will, but he will not feel compelled as he would in person to act disinterested. In other words, a letter or email would give him time to consider what he thinks before responding.
If you intend to come out in person it's probably best to wait for a moment when your Dad is not busy, stressed or otherwise distracted and then tell him quickly and simply: "Dad, I want/need to tell you that I'm gay". A long preamble will only increase the stress and anxiety of telling him and in all honesty the only words that are really relevant and significant are those highlighted above. Leave the talking/speeches for afterwards, but get to the point quickly, because you know as well as I do, that it's hard to spit out those two small words (I'm gay). Do you think you could manage that?
I think. Like I said I never have before. I wouldn't really say anything before, or afterward, it's kinda why I don't want to do it by letter. A letter with only those words is too small. Even in person, I have no idea of what I'm supposed to say after those two words if I manage to say them
If it helps, perhaps you could ask your dad to talk later at a specific time. That way it may be harder to change the subject. I think by his reaction you'll know what you might want to say, it doesn't have to be planned. He will probably ask you questions or at least say something. If you see he needs some reassurance, maybe explain a bit more to him whatever you feel will make things make more sense to him, or things you want to remind him, like telling him you love him and that makes you happy, you didn't want to hide it anymore, things like that. Good luck!
Bubbles is right, your Father will ask questions... how long have you known? how do you know? have you got a boyfriend? Try to prepare yourself for these questions and really think about how you will answer. Think about other questions he might ask too. You've already told other family members, so you should be able to predict what some of the questions might be. If you can answer well and in a calm and measured way (instead of getting stressed out) it will demonstrate to him that you are not just going through a phase that will pass as soon as you meet the right girl. The very worst thing is to be put on the spot and face a barrage of questions that you cannot answer, or to get into an argument about it. You have time to think about it, so get yourself ready. If your father is struggling to understand, point him in the direction of PFLAG - www.pflag.org for extra information, advice and support. The PFLAG website contains lots of information for parents and family members - take a look for yourself, because it might help you too.
Update: So I went to eat with my father today. All went well. When we were leaving I told him I needed to talk with him and we walked. I just said I was gay. He said it didn't change anything and he still loves me. He asked the questions you said he'd ask, but he seems understanding.He said he wished I had accepted it sooner and be less depressed all these years He didn't have a big reaction really. He had a bigger reaction 2 weeks ago when I told him I had bed bugs. So I was stressing for nothing I guess
Thanks for the update. Really pleased for you. You wasn't stressing over nothing - it's a big thing to tell our parents, but you did it! Had to laugh at the comment about the bed bugs being more serious to him though. Looks like you have told all of the important people now, so well done.
I understand him: bed bugs are awful and disgusting, unlike love. Glad to know it turned out okay! Congrats on coming out to him~
