But I could use a bit of advice. :help: Backstory: I've known I was attracted to more than one gender since I was 14 and started questioning my gender not long after that. I've always been a bit confused about my sexuality and gender, though. Over the past year, I've solidified my thoughts on both. I'm out to my father (who I do not live with) and my best friend about my not-straightness, but I want to tell my mother (who I do live with). I'm also out to my best friend about my gender, but I am going to wait a bit to tell my parents about that because they are really, really not up on trans* issues. Anyway, for now, I'm going to come out to her as bisexual, as I believe it is a word she would be more familiar with and will have an easier time understanding. I know I want to write her a letter and include information/articles/websites on bisexuality/pansexuality/polysexuality/LGBT+ issues, as well as direct her towards our local PFLAG chapter. While I'm sure she will not kick me out of the house, she has made some homophobic commentary that has me concerned about her ability to accept my sexuality. She is also the type to ignore or, to use her own words, "play oblivious" to things she doesn't want to confront and topics that make her uncomfortable. I'm hoping that having a physical letter to read will help her understand that this is not going away. Also, I do think she might already suspect that I am queer or may have suspected so in the past. Now, the things I would like advice on: 1) For various reasons, I can't use my father as a support person for my mother. Therefore, I'm considering coming out to my liberal aunt (my mother's sister) before I tell my mother in order to give her a person she knows to talk to about this. My concern is that my mother will be disappointed that I did not tell her first. Is telling my aunt first a good idea? 2) My stepfather is about as homophobic as it gets. He is part of the reason I have been reluctant to come out to my mother. She is a lot more open-minded than he is, and due to his volatile temperament, she is accustomed to not sharing information with him that will set off his yelling. I'm confident that she will not tell him even if I didn't tell her not to tell him. I do not plan to come out to him until after I move out of the house. Does anyone else have experience with purposely keeping one parental figure that you live with in the dark while coming out to the other one? 3) As gross as it sounds, I'm concerned that my mother will think I am attracted to my little sisters (I'm female-assigned). Is this an unfounded fear or do some parents actually have this concern? 4) Speaking of my sisters, I'm debating on when I should come out to them. They have some homophobic views, but are generally more open-minded than my mother. I'm wondering if I shouldn't come out to them (or at least the older one) first, though I think they might tell my mother before I can tell her, which I really do not want. To those with siblings, did you come out to them or your parents first? 5) Would anyone be willing/interested in reading the actual letter once I get it written? Any advice on any of these topics would be greatly appreciated.
