Hi there. I apologise for what may be a long post. I don't feel I have anyone to talk to about this, need to vent. So I just visited the London vigil for the victims of the Orlando shooting. My mum found out about this via Twitter, and essentially just came straight out and asked me about being gay. My stuttering reply and quick end to the conversation were as good as a 'yes'. Now, as I'm not even particularly sure of my sexuality myself - (I like guys, I think, and really don't know if I like girls or not as well. But certainly not as much if so). I certainly wasn't ready for my mum to find this out. I'm feeling angry at her for asking so abruptly before I was ready, but also incredibly insecure, emotional and afraid to talk to her next. I know she'd be absolutely fine with it, but like I say - I'm really not ready to be out like that. I don't even have the guts to really tell a guy I have massive feelings for - who is out to me - that I'm sure I'm gay, let alone family. In other news, even if I do, he's moving to Australia in two months, so that made me heart-broken. Mainly because it took me so long to even slightly come to terms with this, and doing so so late in life (I'm 21) I'd convinced myself I'd be alone... so for someone who seems so like-minded to come along, be gay, and easy to talk to, only to be moving to the opposite end of the earth - well, yeah. Not to mention I've had basically no experience with guys (only making out) and feel like the longer I leave it the less likely it'll ever happen. I'm not really sure what I'm asking/looking for. Just needed to type this all down and have people read it. Thanks for any words of wisdom, thought this was the place people would understand best.
Hi As far as your coming out, accidentally, to your mom. I wouldn't worry too much about this defining you. You could always have a talk and just tell her the truth that you are unsure of your sexuality and that you will really value her love and trust that she will accept your sexuality. Does your sense of morals allow you to have casual sex? If so, there may be no harm in doing some exploring as long as you are completely honest with your partners and remember to be very safe. This exploration could be just limited to kissing, touching etc...it doesn't mean full on sex necessarily. But, start to understand your attractions some. You are still very young. You will not be alone even if you haven't quite figured your sexuality out yet. Give it some time and enjoy the time getting to know yourself. This can be fun you know! Talk to your friend. There is no commitment in having a conversation and he may have some insights that would be helpful.
Thanks so much for your reply. I think I am reeling just because of the moment happening, so out of my control, earlier than anticipated and unexpectedly. I'm sure you're right. If an opportunity arose to casually fool around with someone I'd take it. It might give me more confidence/help understand attraction. I think the thing that stops me is concerns about body image (working on it) and being inexperienced anyway. I'm also quite an introvert and don't drink, so most places pick-ups usually happen are ruled out. Your words are very reassuring, thank-you. I'm going to try to be more open to people, even though it makes me hugely uncomfortable (I have anxiety/on antidepressants). Hopefully I'll gain a good friend if nothing else.
I used to have a real problem with talking to people. So, I started talking to anybody about anything anytime. Not really just looking for friends or sex partners. But, anybody. It really helped to learn to just open up about the silliest things to a total stranger. It makes it easier when you do find someone you are interested in. If you start out talking to someone with no expectations that it will go further, it is a lot easier. Sometimes it goes further, mostly doesn't and that's O.K. too!
My bi coming out to mother was not planned at all. She asked out of the blue and I said "yes" because I didn't want to deny my girl. I had to move out but it was great. Now she's trying to make me spill out that I'm trans. I feel anger too. It's a difficult situation. I think she suspected for a long time and had been meaning to ask but didn't know how. It must be difficult for her too. Maybe she just wanted to confirm but didn't think how you would feel about it asking out of the blue. 21 is not old. The whole life is before you and you can find friends and love. Take care.
I'm glad you think your mother will be accepting. It can be hard to be outed, it happened to my cousin once. Like you, she was outed at 21 - it's hardly old! I'd even say that's close to the average age for coming out. At that age, you can go to gay bars without seeming a bit out of place. If you want to find other gay guys for a longer relationship, though, you might be best just making friends regardless of sexuality. This has the potential to be a great thing. You can be more honest and open with your mother I wish you good luck!
It's strange, the anger, isn't it? I empathise with you. I think it's that it's respectful to wait until that person is ready rather than trying to force their hand. Sorry you've had difficulties. Thanks for sharing, it's helpful knowing others have similar experiences. Thanks for your kind words, PinkButch. I feel a bit vulnerable, it's this kind of thing I need right now, heh.
