Hello everyone!, Here's a little bit about me: i'm a 20 years old guy, on my final year of college, I live with my mother and sister and I'm currently working and planning on moving to another country in the next two years to do my Masters degree and hopefully live there. I had my first (and only) "girlfriend" when I was 17 and a senior in High School, we were really good friends before, and after that it was kind of the same. I don't think I ever felt attracted to her (meaning like having sex), and we broke up six months later. During and a little bit after my relationship ended I started thinking I could be gay, but was too afraid to admit it to myself (I live in a pretty religious and conservative society, where being LGBT is a sin and it's wrong). I realised then that on porn I was practically attracted to men, and from then on I only watched gay porn, even when some advertising popped up with a naked woman I would feel gross :rolle:. Now I kind of accepted I'm gay, and I like it, don't feel ashamed and I want to be out, I've thought about coming out A LOT lately, but I'm afraid of two things: 1st. I'm afraid of people not accepting me, (I went to a catholic school so a lot of my friends from high school are really catholic and they say they "don't hate gay people, but don't accept their preferences"), I'm pretty sure my dad is homophobic as he's always saying homophobic jokes and stuff like that, but in the other hand my sister and mother (the ones that I live with) are open minded and they are pro-love, but I still think my mom would be a little bit "in denial". Another thing that I'm afraid of is my work environment, as I've herd a couple of times from my coworkers despective comments about gay people. 2nd. I'm afraid that I'm just confused and I'm not gay and by coming out I ruin every chance of ever going back and having a girlfriend. I've even tried to picture myself with a woman but it doesn't feel right. I kind of know I'm gay but kind of afraid I'm not. So that being said, I've been thinking about coming out to my best friend, and then to my sister and my mom, but I'm too afraid of making it official and then there's no going back. Any advices?
Hi Peterjat I was raised very Catholic. I'm 55, so it was a long time ago. I am bisexual and have never really come out to my family. I've been married over thirty years so it doesn't seem like I need to be out to them. I have a huge family with two gay siblings. When they came out, to my strict Catholic parents they were pretty worried. But, my parents both accepted each of them unconditionally. They even helped pay for my brother's wedding. Now, my parents have give up their faith to stand by their children. Your parents may surprise you. But, be prepared it could take awhile for them to adjust. Give them that chance. My parents had more trouble with me marrying a nonCatholic than my siblings sexual orientation. But, now they cannot even remember how they felt...it is all good! As far as not knowing for sure...there is no harm in being whatever you are. The only thing to remember is to be honest with yourself.
Hi Peterjat! Ah, family and religion... Two of the hardest things to go against. But perhaps you could come out "gradually", such as only to your mom and sis first (asking them to keep it secret). You don't even have to say you are strictly gay, can just say that you tend to prefer men, that way it will not be so restrictive. Denial from parents and family members is frequent, but should not phase you. Eventually, the only right choice is the truth, and if they are not ready to fully accept it then you should not feel bad about it. Please remember that if your "friends" are only tolerating you or turning against you over something as natural as love, then they are definitely not "friends" and most probably not people you'd wish to keep in your life. As for your work environment, they are only colleagues, you don't even need to come out to them at all. It's work, not personal life. Brush off their mean comments. Beside, aren't there laws in place against discrimination if things turn sour? (Sad that there has to be, but well...) And like Nickw said, being honest to yourself is the most important things here.
