Hi, So Im having some issues coming out to my family. Im 20 and I live with my mom and her BF due to some health issues that I have, so I rely on her pretty heavily, Im trying to figure out how to come out to my family as being bi. My mums reaction could go either way, but her bf may have some issues with it. I know her family would absolutely freak out about it, it could go either way with his family. But my dad on the other hand would absolutely lose his mind. He is crazy religious, so thats not really helpful. His whole side of the family would most likely freak completely out. I have only told three people and all three don't really talk to me anymore. I am really struggling here if anyone could give me any advice that would be greatly appreciated.
Hi I saw on your profile that you use a wheelchair. Can you get out on your own? Were the friends you told upset,with your sexuality, or are there other reasons you no longer have contact with them? Have you had any counseling to discuss your sexuality? Lots of questions here...sorry.
Well I have a rare bone condition that causes me to break bones really easily, I've broken over 100, so it seems like every time I start to build up my strength I break a bone. I was just starting to get back into transferring again when I broke my arm in three places so as of right now I rely heavily on my mum or my nurse. I started using public transport to get around, like to collage, the pool, and the mall and stuff like tike that. But its difficult for me to get into friends houses since most of them are not accessible. Two of the people that know are from high school. The one friend is gay himself. The other person is my EX, GF, we didn't break up over this, her sister is a lesbian and she has two moms so she was ok with it. They were high school friends and once we graduated we sorta went our separate ways. The third person that knows was kind of an accident. we started talking on ****** before realizing that we knew each other in real life, so that was a bit weird, but he became all flakey and started bad mouthing profferers, he WAS really nice to me and I thought maybe we could've something more. I asked him if he knew I was gay before I told him, he said no. But anyway no I haven't had counseling, wouldn't even know how to get there without more people finding out and like i said before my family are not too stoked about the whole LGBT thing.
Do you have a LGBT center anywhere near you? I know some towns have those facilities and access to some counseling services. The other thing to look at would be your college. The reason I mention this is that it would be good to have some sort of a support system when you come out to your family. It is tough to do this solo and it sounds like your family may not be too accepting. You mentioned that you were bisexual, not gay. As a bisexual myself, I know this can be hard because a lot of people don't understand that your orientation is not a choice. That is one more difficulty. Even my wife, who is super cool with me being bisexual, doesn't totally understand. If there is anyway you can get an ally in this, even one of your old friends, if you can reconnect, it would be helpful. As far as how to come out to your family, you may need to do it one person at a time. If your Mom would be OK with keeping it to herself, maybe that could be a start?
I saw a couple of groups near me but you have to pay to belong and theres the issue transport again. Ill look into a group at my collage the only problem is I don't get along with the president and he has a big mouth. I'm going to reach out to my old friends again. But my family thinks it a choice being LGBT but its really not. My mum is a tricky situation because if she takes it badly I really won't have anywhere to go. I think I'm going to wait until I'm finished with collage and have my own car to tell any of my family so that way if I do get cut off at least my big expenceces will be sorta paid off, but I've known for about 6 or 7 years that i was bi, Ive been too afraid to tell anyone. What are your thoughts on that???
Dude. I'm 55 and finally just came out to my wife. So, I get how hard it is. When I was your age I knew I was bi, but also knew I could be o.k. With sex with a woman only...I thought. After 30 years I almost cheated cause I had to try it with a guy. Didn't cheat and came out to my wife....hardest thing I ever did because I was afraid she would freak. She likes it! So, now I can be out to the only person it matters to me. It really depends on where you are on the sexual spectrum. If you tend to gay, you probably need to be out. But, I am not sure there is a rush for you. I didn't even have time to think about relationships in college so didn't matter. You may not need the stress. But, don't ever hide it to a lover like I did. I was so unhappy for a couple years and blamed my wife. Bad scene. If being in the closet affects how you relate to those you love, then it is more important to come out.
I honestly have no idea where I am, Ive only ever done anything with a guy, but i like both equally. I hate lying to my family. I had a seizure a few years back and I lost almost all my memories except the times I did stuff with my friend so maybe its a sign??
I know how it feels to be under pressure to come out. But, it also sounds like there is a lot of other stuff going on. If you really think your family could over-react and you rely on them right now while in school, it might not be the best time for you. There is no rule that says you must be out. The important thing is that your really accept yourself. If you need to be out to do that then there is more motivation. If you are really comfortable in your own skin, there is no rush.
Oh they will definitely over react. I think that it would definitely be wise to wait till after I'm done with Uni and i have my own car. Worst case senerio I could prob go stay with my step-sister, she seems like she would be most understanding
Deciding when to come out is a very personal decision. If it will make your life really difficult now, there is no real reason you must be out. I think we get on forums like this and it seems like that is what we should do. But, you need to go at your own pace and when it really feels right.
