I am 19 years old and gay. My family is very religious and don't really accept same sex relationships. I want to say something so bad when they are talking because what they say upsets me but I can't say anything because no one knows I'm gay. I am afraid that if I tell them then they will want nothing to do with me anymore. What should I do?
Is your family the close-knit type? Do you think that they are suspecting your homosexuality? Do I understand right and you have not come out to anyone at all at this point? Unfortunately, it sometimes happens so that our blood family ends up not as supportive or reliable than a chosen family - such as close friends and the likes. If your familial environment is toxic, then yes, you should speak up for yourself, however hard this might be. The job of your parents should be to make you feel safe and loved, regardless of your sexuality. To keep anger inside and bite your tongue for too long could cause you harm on several levels at some point: relationships, overall health... :/ Do you have siblings or other family members who could be more accepting and whom you could talk to about this more easily?
When I was younger, about 11 or 12, my mother asked me if I was "fruity" and I always said no. Then about age 14, my father asked if I was gay. And once again I said no. I guess I was in denial myself. I have realized now that that is who I really am. I have accepted it and I am happy about it. But I can't be happy around my family. I stayed with a girl for 3 years just to make my family happy. I finally broke up with her 6 months ago when I went off to school. I stayed with her so long because my family absolutely loved the girl. And now that we have broken up they bring her up every day. Saying how i need to start calling her my girlfriend and how she's the only one that would ever have me. And I just wish they knew that I'm not even into girls. Ya know? I just don't know if I'm able to tell them about the real me. I have to hide that side of my life.
Are your parents seriously telling you this girl is "the only one that would ever have [you]"? Man, that's harsh, and mean. And untrue, by the way. Obvs. Your parents seem to know you're not into girls, else they wouldn't have asked you twice and they wouldn't push this girl to you. You say you are 19 - do you live with them? What is the worst that can happen short-term if you tell them about your sexuality? It's always sad to have to hide who we are...
That's what they say and it makes me so mad sometimes. Well, I live with my father right now since I'm out of college for the summer. Him and his family are super religious and don't really agree with same sex relationships. So I'm not sure how they would react. I imagined it wouldn't be very well. However my mom's side of the family may be a little more understanding.
I see... Afraid there isn't much you can do, if your father's family is not ready to look at it another way, then you can either hide it until your patience breaks, or cut right into the matter and risk a bad fallout. But it is good to know that your mom's side could probably show you support. By all mean, please do not believe that you are no good for anyone. Have you considered coming out to friends during the time you are in college?
I have thought about telling my close friend but I'm just not sure how accepting they will be. I guess i am just worried about them not supporting it and that leading to everyone finding out.
Are your friends very religious too? That does not necessarily mean close-minded, thankfully - LGBT people who are also true believers do exist. Realistically, how do you think they might react? Have they said anything against LGBT people, or done anything similar than starting rumors, confess other people's secrets, or something like that?
My close friend is very religious. She lives by the bible. I'm just not sure how she will take it because she also happens to be my ex.
Oh dear... :/ In case things go South, do you have a back-up plan when it comes to accommodation, financial support (job, scholarship...), and so on?
Not really. My grandparents have always pretty much supported me. And thinking about it now I don't think telling them would be a very good idea since when I first mentioned that I wanted to shave my grandmother said that u needed to talk to the preacher. Just because I wanted to shave. There's no telling how she would react if I told her I was gay. ---------- Post added 16th Jun 2016 at 11:33 PM ---------- I just want them to know so bad. That way they would stop bringing up my ex and telling how wonderful of a person she is. I just want to be who I really am. I wanna stop hiding it. Ya know?
Seeing a preacher... for shaving? That indeed is very religious. Although it seems physically unsafe to tell them now, I do understand the urge you feel to do so. Hiding is really no fun, particularly when people around pressure you to be dishonest to yourself. Sorry to say, but I still think your family is mean and petty for telling you that only this girl would want you. Do you know if there is some sort of LGBT center near you? With emergency accommodation, or who could help you sort out your job option, or anything to prepare you in case telling them soon results in the worst situation? If you keep your feeling bottled up, there is little chance this will end up well for your overall health and sense of safety.
I decided to come out to my old high school mentor. She was very supportive and said she already knew. Now time to debate on whether or not to come out to my mother.
I know it'll be hard, but leave these brainless tards behind and get far, far away, then be who you are.
