Hi there, this is the first thread I create so I guess I should introduce myself or something. I'm a gay male, just reached 18, and I'm about to start college. Earlier this year I suddenly found myself longing to come out to everyone, but mainly to my immediate family and some friends. However, I've seen how much bullying a classmate of mine recieves at school for being gay, so I decided I would wait until the end of highschool, which is by June/July, and that I would come out to my mom first, then my family and friends. I joined EC when I was looking for coming out letters (I decided I would write one for my mom and grandma). Time has passed, it's already June and I still haven't written such letter. I'm not sure I still want to come out. Sure, I'd love to be open about myself now that I've fully accepted I'm gay,but I'm not sure it's quite necessary. As for what I've observed, my mom and grandma (I live with both of them) don't hate gay people but they don't really like them either. For example, they're not against gay marriage but they wouldn't support it either. They wouldn't bash a gay couple but you can clearly tell they're kind of grossed out when they see homoaffective demonstrations. They consider gay people to be "weird" and they often misuse the term "gay" to name the trans community. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't kick me out of the house or something, but I'd probably just make things akward. Furthermore, I don't think anyone will be interested in my, so even if I come out I'll probably still be single. I'm not saying I desperately want to bein a relationship, but if that's not going to happen, isn't it better to just keep my sexuality to myself? (at least with my family; I may come out to people in college). Sorry for the long post and any mistakes in my English, I hope you can help me :s
First, your English is great! To me it seems there is a part of you that does want to come out, even if you feel you can provide reasons as to why you shouldn't or don't need to. I think since you have wanted to come out, regardless of what happens in the future, you will always feel like you have to hide a part of yourself, even if it's just in the back of your mind or it doesn't come up. Of course, your safety comes first, which you have thought about and you said they probably wouldn't kick you out. You said it may make things awkward. It may, but that doesn't mean it will always be awkward, and it doesn't mean awkwardness isn't a good thing or worth it. If you come out to your family, they may take time to accept you, but then they will be knowing you for you, and knowing every part of you. It is absolutely up to you if you ultimately do want to share that with them, I'm just explaining why it might be a good idea assuming you do kind of want to and need some convincing/reasons why. Also, you never know what the future holds: who you'll meet, how you'll be later on. You can't say with 100% certainty that you'll never enter into a relationship with someone at some point in the future. You really never know. But you deserve to be able to feel comfortable when that does arise. If you tell your family earlier on how you feel, they'll have more time to understand and process it, rather than maybe having to find out suddenly when you are dating a guy. Also, should you be in a relationship, you may feel like hiding it if your family doesn't know. Again, it is totally up to you and you should come out when/if you want to. Maybe it isn't right for you right now, but maybe it will be later. If a part of you does want to at this point in time, then consider the pros and cons, not taking what will happen in the future for granted. I hope this helps you and best of luck!
Thank you so much, you made me reanalyze... I do want to come out, and I probably will. I'm not in that phase anymore where I thought I'd never tell anyone and I'd keep my secret to my grave. I just think I'm not prepared right now. But hopefully somewhere in the near future I will Again, thank you so much!
