I'm 30 year old woman. I've known I liked guys and girls since I was a kid. In high school I struggled with whether I was a lesbian or bi because I knew for sure I wasn't straight. I never came out to my family because it never seemed necessary. I had a LTR with a guy throughout my 20s, I'm not close to my family (I see them a handful of times a year and we live 50 miles away from each other), and they're not the very accepting people. A few years ago my (abusive/toxic) marriage finally ended. I started causally dating and met an amazing woman. I thought I'd finally come out to my family. And then we broke up (long story) so I didn't. Then I met an amazing man. We've been together for over three years now and are talking marriage and kids. I'm incredibly happy and he completely and utterly accepts me for me. I was honest about my bisexuality from the first time we met. He never fetishized my bi-ness or ignored it or did anything but completely accept it. I love him. I've never hidden my sexuality from friends but I found out a lot of them had assumed I was straight. I've come out casually, no grand outings. Usually it's a casual mention and if they look confused I just smile and say "yeah you didn't know that". But I've never come out to my family. The older I've gotten the more I want to. And with recent events I feel like I need to. So here's why I'm here. I'm trying to compose a text to my family letting them know I'm bi. I'd really appreciate if you guys could read it and give me your thoughts. Text to family: The recent tragedy in Orlando has reinforced how important it is to be honest and out to the people I love. I have thought about doing this many times but for various reason didn't. So here it goes: I am bisexual. This means that I am capable of falling in love with a man or a woman. I've known this about myself since I was a kid. I don't hide this from people/friends but feel like I've hidden it from you guys. I'm sorry for that since I'm comfortable and happy with who I am. I love [boyfriend]. This doesn't change my life with him. He completely accepts and supports me. We are in a happy monogamous relationship. I wanted to be honest with you guys because you're my family and I love you.
I think the text is just fine. You make the point clearly and put it in context with the events in Orlando. You can provide more information, if they need it. How do you think it will go down?
Probably not well. My mom is a narcissist so whenever I'm not being a model extension of herself she will not tolerate it. I'm kinda scared to do it in person, hence the text, as my dad isn't above throwing things across the room. My sister will probably think I'm doing it for attention. She's the golden child and when everyone isn't focused on her then she gets offended.
I too used text to come out to my parents. For me, it was the only way I had the courage to do it. Plus I live about 5 hours away from them. It worked for me. I think your safety is number one when coming out. So if you think people may get the least bit physical, sometimes it is best to not do it in person. Through a text it gives them time to think and respond. If they respond hatefully, don't respond back with more hate. Be prepared for a bunch of questions and just feel the freedom of having that weight off your shoulders. It felt much better after I did. We don't really speak about it much in my family, but I know that I don't have to watch what I say all the time and don't worry about slipping up and saying something that may give it away. Good luck! Just do things to make yourself happy and continue to pass along the love!!
