in a couple weeks one of my best friends comes out to stay with me for a week. she goes to uni in the UK -- i'm at college in the states, but i'm from the UK -- so its a pretty big deal that she's coming. she's one of my closest friends and the in some ways the one that i'm most open with about personal things (i'm a fairly private person as a general rule). I've been thinking that when I do come out, she'll be one of the first I tell -- she's pretty open minded and i know how much she loves me so i don't think it'd change anything between us. (she's super straight btw and i don't fancy her remotely!) but i don't know if i should tell her on this visit for several reasons: 1. i guess the term for where i am right now is "questioning" but more questioning where i fall on the spectrum between bi and gay... so i don't really have anything concrete to tell her apart from "so i think i might be gay, or at least kind of, but i don't know as i've never been with a girl in that way. so watch this space!" 2. she's going through a rough patch herself as her mum is ill and half the point of her coming is to cheer her up etc. i don't want to pile this on her. 3. what if she is weirded out? we're physically quite touchy-feely and have been for years (way before i thought i was gay) what if that bothers her? will it spoil the visit? 4. i don't really feel the need to tell anyone right now, i feel ok dealing with this on my own... its kind of empowering 5. BUT I tell her EVERYTHING usually so it seems so weird to skip out on the thing thats occupying my thoughts most of the time... thoughts? advice?
Hi Bex I'm going to share my thoughts, it's not really advice, as I think you won't be able to make judgements until the time she's there with you, it all depends on the situation. You said she's having trouble at home, and she's really just coming for a break, so I wouldn't plan to tell her. Just try to have a good time But of course, you may end up getting to the point where you feel like you should tell her, maybe the subject will come up and you don't want to lie to her, or you'll just feel like you have to do it to get it over with. She sounds like a good friend and like she's quite open minded, so if you do want to tell her, I'm sure its safe... just play it by ear and see what happens
1) What in the heck does that mean? lol If you're trying to say you don't know your own sexuality anymore...that's okay. It's okay to question. 2) If there's never been any animosity between you, then I'm sure it won't affect anything. Unless she is a real bible thumper and really homophobic or something. Though girls tend to take it differently than boys. She won't think less of you, in my opinion, since she's coming to escape her problems. 3) That's just how a lot of girls, at least my age, seem to act. I used to think all women were lesbians but they're just like that...at least where I've lived. 4) You don't have to. That is the beauty of it. 5) Don't crush on her though. Especially if you just tell her you're gay. It'll send her some weird signals, and that might confuse her. Just take it easy. (!)(!)
yes only if there not the gosip peapole you need to be shour u can trust them thats wot thout about before i told anyone.
It sounds to me like you should tell her. You're OK with it, and not really struggling or having a hard time with it, so it's not like you're going to spend the whole week talking about your orientation. It might be a half hour discussion, and you'll move on to her, and how she'd dealing with her mom's illness, how college is going for both of you, etc. She might have a better time if you are completely at ease and relaxed, and I'm sensing that might not happen if you're having to bite your tongue on this topic... Just some stuff to think about. Either way would likely be fine.
