Just need some advice on what I should do. Here's my situation: I'm 18 and known I've been gay for about 5 years. But I've only really told myself "I'm gay" in the past 2. I was terribly uncomfortable with it at first. Recently I read though some vague "steps to coming out" that everyone supposedly follows, and I've already done some of them - online. I've used Second Life for 2 years - initially for my interest in scripting and creation. It eventually became a social tool for me - I have friends, but I tend to be quiet and anti-social. Then it clicked - I could be gay in Second Life. It gave me a virtual place where I could be myself and become more comfortable. I had so many people to talk to and have made many friends who I now talk to for hours each day. I also met another guy on there who I really like. Despite living in the US (I'm in Canada), he's a reason for me wanting to come out because - despite it being long-distance, I love him. I am now 100% comfortable with myself being gay, but am uncomfortable hiding it any longer... it feels like a weight on my chest. And at one point I'd like to fly out and meet this guy. He's 19 and is already openly gay. I'm a terrible liar and would like to be able to say "I'm going to meet a guy" and let that be that. I was thinking of telling my brother first. He seems pretty neutral towards gay people, and he's my twin. We've been incredibly close up til now, but ever since I've been comfortable with being gay, I'm talking to him less and less and suspect coming out would help. From what I can guess, he'd keep it a secret as long as he needed to. My mother is your generic "rice crispy squares and tang" mom who I'd suspect would swallow the idea of my homosexuality eventually. My father is what I'm not sure about. He's not Christian or "old school" but he's so alpha-male and macho (he cuts out the daily swimsuit pictures of women ["Sunshine Girls"] from the newspaper and posts them on the fridge, for example). I've also heard him mutter things like "fucking queers" if he sees one on TV, but I highly suspect he's doing for laughs because other times, he won't say anything at all. I'm not emotionally close to my parents. I'm quiet and reserved... neither of them has seen me cry since I was 10... When I'm not at school (I go to college), I'm in my room and barely talk to them. But we still talk at dinner and watch movies together, so I'm not completely detached. Speaking of college, I am financially dependent on them. They are great parents and are paying for my 2-year course (both mine and my brother's). I also plan on getting my learner's soon, so I do not drive either - another way I am dependent. I've read that it's not a good idea to come out if you are dependent - but that article was from 1995, and I can't see my parents kicking me out (despite hearing about 4 people at my last job that were all kicked out when they revealed themselves). There's my situation... if anybody actually took the time to read the thread, any suggestions on what I should do? I hear of people coming out when they're 30, and it sounds terrible to wait that long... I want to know if I should wait for any particular reason, or what I can do now to make it easier. Thanks (!)
Hello, welcome to EC!! I think that coming out to your brother seems like a good idea. Maybe he will help you gain the support that you need to tell your parents. It doesnt seem like your parents are the type to just kick you out, however I dont know them.. Have you ever brought up the subject of homosexuality around them, like mention a gay friend or anything to see what their reaction might be?
Come to think of it, I can't think of anybody gay that I know... Bringing u somebody they didn't know would just be awkward. I've heard my mother talk nicely about gay people, so I know it's not an issue with her. And honestly when I hear my dad talking about "queers" like that, I think he's just saying it for shits n gigs, because everybody else does :S We all (except for my mother) took a 5 day trip to a city not far from here about 3 weeks ago. When I came back from a shower, my dad was watching an episode of Law & Order that dealt with transgenders (and had a lot of emotional dialogue about a father still loving his gay son-turned-daughter) and he wasn't saying anything.. just watching it because it was on I suppose, but he didn't say anything negative...
Which is always a positive thing lol. I too live with my parents, and I am not out to them. I dont think I would be able to come out to my parents while I am here, they are the opposite of your parents lol. They are very against it, speak all sorts of mean things, and think its a choice. I think that maybe you have a good chance of them understanding.
Ooooh yeah I guess I have it pretty good. But not as good as the guy I met has it - his dad IS gay. Coming out was a piece of cake for him xD
[/QUOTE] Ooooh yeah I guess I have it pretty good. But not as good as the guy I met has it - his dad IS gay. Coming out was a piece of cake for him xD[/QUOTE] Lucky betch. Lol But seriously, if it is something that you think they would be okay with, and YOU are ready to take that step, then its all up to you man. As long as you dont feel pressured or forced into it. See what your brother has to say, maybe he can shed some light on your situation. Tell you if it is a good idea, or a bad idea.
i agree with gadude your brother can sort of be your litmus test to gauge how your parents will react
Thanks guys, I'll start with him. Any hints on how to actually make myself do it? I'm terrified and I'll probably just keep putting it off >.>
i cant really provide a tip but the way i came out to a couple of my friend is while we were all just bulls:***:in and i just straight out said "i know how this might sound, but im bi" and then waited a minute for it to soak in for them lol (!)
Hmm, your original post reminds me of the situation I was in 6 or 7 years ago. If I could get a time machine, I would go back and tell my former self that it turned out that my brother and friends were completely OK with it, that I'm not 500% happier, and that he could save himself years of anguish by coming out right away. So let that be my advice to you too :icon_bigg That crushing feeling on your chest is the feeling you get when you're ready, I'd say. As for how: I'd say there is no ideal moment. Just wait until you're alone and not likely to be disturbed. And then either tell him, or give him a letter you've prepared in advance if you're unsure about how to start. Also, if I were you, I'd be careful about just flying out to meet people you only know over the internet. Even if you really try to be honest, reality can turn out to be different from the virtual world. Just make sure others know where you are.
That's a good idea. I like the letter idea because I can't chicken-out half way through.... once he has the letter, there's no turning back. :icon_bigg Thanks for your concern about the guy (I knew somebody would say it). I won't get into detail, but I know everything about this guy and know people who have met him before too. Thanks
So...like...I dunno how the fuck I missed this post until now. Sorry. Here comes my all too late two cents. I'm in a particularly good mood today, so bear with me. Okay, not to sound rude or anything but how can you like someone you've never seen nor met? What if he turns out completely repulsive and hypocritical? Or worst, some devil worshiping alien Cthulu?! You should definitely find someone near you so you don't have to worry about a long distance relationship. It'll haunt you till the end of your days. I wish I had a real twin. Cameron is mine...but only in soul. The longer you wait the harder it is. At least that's my opinion. Some, to hide themselves, went as far as to marry others and some truly regret it. Don't ever wait that long. It's best to not hide who you are otherwise it can complicate things even further.
Trust me on this one, I know him. I've talked with him until 5 AM sometimes. He's a wonderful person. Anyway off topic.... just need advice on coming out, not who I choose. But yeah this guy's father waited that long and got married, then had a kid (him) and was 39 when he told his wife he was gay. Sounds awful...
