I have made a decision as to the circumstances as to when I would come out to my family, how I would do it, and why I would do it that way and at that time. The when would be when I am in a serious relationship with a guy. I would easily say we would have to be together for at least a year. How I would do it would be that I would tell my family that I found someone that I loved and made me happy, and then introduce them instead of coming out and telling them that I am gay. Quite frankly, I think that's the way it should be. Now for the why I would wait. Even if I was in a relationship with a woman I would still wait until it was serious to tell my family I was dating anyone. My family obsesses over stuff like that. The first time my cousin brought a girlfriend to the family Christmas gathering, my mom assumed that meant they were going to get married. A few years ago my brother started dating a woman. After they had only been dating a few months (unless he waited to tell everyone the way I plan to do) my mom told me that she was going to buy my brother a engagement ring for him to give to his girlfriend. Thankfully, I convinced her not to. A year or so later, my mom was visiting with them and asked them when they were going to get engaged. There is no way that I want to deal with that. I am also concerned that if I were to tell my mom that I am gay, that she would try to set me up with anyone she knows who is gay and single, or tell any gay person she meets that her son is gay (especially if I am with her at the time). She is also likely to tell me who she knows or meets is gay, and tell me I should ask them out. The rest of my family are not quite as nuts, but they can be annoying when it comes to relationships (especially the women). I have heard one of my aunts say then we need to have a family wedding to go to. And if I tell anyone else in my family, the news will (rather quickly) make its away around the family. I have also decided that if I were to ever get out of this city and move somewhere else (which I would like to do for various reasons) I would be out to my neighbors, new friends, co-workers and everybody in the community immediately.
Somehow, I find your family cute - well... "cute", you know? It seems from your message that at least your mother will be supportive of your orientation. She just wants her children not to spend their lives alone, which is essentially a thought made in good will. (Or she just really, really like weddings.) But I understand perfectly your choices, especially the one about moving away and be out immediately. It's much easier to have new people know/accept who you are *now*, because family and childhood/long-time friends can have this sticky image of you from years ago, which can become an issue or a bother real quick. When I moved here in Finland I was out immediately, and boy was it the best decision ever. People back in my childhood village still see me as "that girl who fake-married the boy's band material dude when they both were 8", despite me coming out and having dated several girls in front of them. Good if you've already planned things out, and it seems like a nice plan! And your mom and aunt can sleep in peace: you can marry anywhere in the US now, so it's okay, they can hope for a wedding!
