THAT Feeling?!

Definitely. You're not looking for too much. In the end, you'll get much more out of a relationship that stems from true love- instead of one where the guy is just 'rushing' you.
Go for it!
And you're not the only one looking for that, either.
~Hugs, Lyra

 

its fine to wait, but after a while u may have to make some exceptions.

 

I wouldn't settle down with someone you're settling for.
But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't date anyone because you don't think they're "the one." I honestly doubt that anyone gets a relationship right the first try. That's why people date. Practice.

 

I think Ryn48 has it right--it's fine to strive for perfection but the reality is that it's highly unlikely you'll find it very often, if at all. So "saving yourself" for the perfect someone becomes somewhat stupid, if you ask me. Also, while I think sometimes when you meet someone you just "know," I don't think that's always the case. So say you meet someone and you like them but at that point you don't here the trumpets ringing. So you don't try dating them.

Well, what if the circumstances at that point were just a little off and that person WAS a great match for you? You just screwed yourself because you were expecting everything all at once. I can tell you from experience that rarely does everything happen all at once. Most good relationships do not just all snap into place in a single beautiful Hollywood moment.

So yes, date. Have sex. Having ex-es is not a bad thing, even if you have several. There's a difference between experiencing life and a variety of people and having some sort of issue forming relationships. I mean sure, have standards--don't just bed everyone who comes along. That's just silly. But don't expect the people you're interested in to fulfill your every single need and desire, because it just doesn't work like that. The trick is figuring out which things are important and finding someone who fits the most of those important requirements.

Like... hmmm personal experience... okay, the last guy I dated, his brain didn't work the same as mine. Like my mind works really fast, I'm always noticing things, I'm forever talking, trying out new ideas, multitasking, synthesising a bunch of stuff from different sources... I'm much more fast-paced than he is. Not to say he's slow or less smart--his brain just doesn't have the same-- rhythm I guess. He used to say I was always thinking.

I used to think I needed someone like that, someone intense and very vocal and very similar to me. And I've dated a few people like that, but this last guy wasn't like that and was pretty much the best relationship I've had. And I'm sure in the past I've missed chances to date people who I thought weren't similar to me in that way and as it turns out, that was probably a mistake. But the way I used to think about it, I used to think that if I didn't have that shared thing with someone, they weren't the right person for me. So... that is my long-winded way of saying sometimes, especially when we're starting out, we think we know what we want and what we need and we're very often dead wrong. So being really rigid about the type of person we want to date is super counterproductive.

 

Crushes on a straight person really sucks. They seem to kinda flirt with you.. their hints are subtle enough to keep you interested yet you now they're not going to ever start a relationship with you. But there's something about them that makes you just want to be with them...
I think you shouldn't just rule out the one's who've had '50' exes. Im sure they want to find the perfect match too. Unfortunately, we all expect soo much from a relationship and when it doesnt go our way, we tend to end it then try and make an effort to make it work.
And it really depends on the individual, really.

 

well yh it is.
if you're attracted to someone then talk to them, see what they're like, most people even if they're not interested tend to be polite enough I find. however that isn't always a good thing cause it means finding that spark with someone is a bit harder, date people you're attracted to, cause if there is a spark it should be fairly obvious, and that you're not ruling everyone out and not doing by what you think you want.
it doesn't even have to be a big spark, just a small attraction flirt see how it goes.
that probably doesn't help, but just see how it goes, get out there you dont have to have sex with anyone who comes along, just see how everything goes if someone makes a move or suggests they're interested make it clear that you're not going to jump into bed with them straight away and they'll have to wait and get to know you first. that way you're dismissing those who just want you for a casual fuck and as such it may help you find the right one. it doesn't matter if you go on a date a find that you're not comfortable with them, just go home early or say something like I've had fun,I might call you some time. lol.
good luck with whatever you decides best for you!

 

It is, but it isn't, but it is.

No, it's not wrong to want to wait until you "feel something". But don't start tossing people aside just because they don't make you weak in the knees the second you lay eyes on him. Sometimes, feelings can develop over time. So if you meet a guy, and you like him, feel free to date him awhile. Get to know him. and see the feelings start growing deeper.

Lex

 

You see that's the problem, you are LOOKING for that feeling. You won't need to look for it. When its the right person, those just come naturally. You look into their eyes and it makes you want to smile. Your heart beats faster when you are around them. You will know!

 

Don't let you get that down--it sounds like he was looking for (mainly) sex. You weren't, you made that clear, and he moved on in a pretty rude manner. Some people can be real jerks that way, and they seem more inclined to be jerks online because for some reason nearly everyone acts as if shitty stuff they do online is not as bad as doing it to someone in person.

The way he acted isn't a reflection on you--it's a reflection on him. A lot of people, especially when they're new(ish) to sex, just care about one thing. There's nothing really wrong with just being out for sex... the problem is that everyone has this idea that there is something wrong with it so most people who are mainly interested in sex go around telling others (and themselves) that they're not, but then act the way this guy treated you--i.e. pushing sex and then being a jerk when you don't (immediately) provide it.

The good news is that there are plenty of people like you who aren't ready to jump into bed but do want to meet people. So when you run into people like this person in the example, you just have to kinda sigh and be like, "Oh well... someone else impatient." Which sucks, I know, but is a lot better for you than feeling like you did something wrong (because you didn't).

If you are meeting people online, it is DEFINITELY a good idea to take your approach--i.e. to make sure things are above board before you get naked and sweaty with them. There are liars out there and there seems to be more of a tendency to lie or expectation that everyone is lying online. I know for sure that not everyone who's online lies, mainly because my friends and I have been online tons and we don't, but waiting to meet someone you've met online before you shuck your clothes is a totally reasonable thing. In fact, and this may be old-fashioned of me because I know that some people do get with people relatively "sight unseen," I would go so far as to say it's best to have like at least one date or so of knowing someone as a clothed person before you let everybody's hormones run wild.

That being said, I have jumped into bed with someone relatively soon after first knowing them, although I've at least known them in person and I like to think I'm a decent judge of character, and sometimes it's been pretty good and sometimes it's been like, "Why on Earth did I do this?"

The moral of the story is that spending at least some time with people where you're not all judgment-impaired owing to how hot you think they are is a very good approach. So if someone feels like they are rushing you, they are probably not the person for you. Unless you've been on like 30 dates and you're still trying to figure out if you should have sex. :lol: That means either you're not ready for sex or you're not ready for sex with them.

 

>>>Do you think that I lost out on somebody or like he was only after one thing and had no respect for me anyway?

If he's interested in you - not just what's inside your pants, but YOU - he'll understand. He may still ask from time to time (at which point you keep telling him you're not ready yet), but he'll respect your answer. It MAY be that he'll go elsewhere for physical fun, and still remain friends (with the potential of maybe more later) with you. And I don't see a problem with that. But if he finds someone else to fool around with, and drops you like a seventh juggling ball, then yeah - you didn't miss out on anything.

Lex

 

Joey and Lex have nailed it. This wasn't the guy for you. Odds are most guys aren't for you. But there is definitely one. You just might not find him right away.

At 19, you've still got some growing and changing to do in your life. The 'perfect' person you find now won't be 'perfect' for you 4 or 5 years from now. At least it's unlikely they will be. But that doesn't mean that you should wait. Absolutely not!!! Get out there and date. Make your expectations and limitations clear, and enjoy yourself.

I wish I had done that at 19.