Ok, so I'll try and explain this so it makes the most sense. Long story short, I've been hanging with a few new people more recently. Its a friend I met in a class way back in high school. College came and work changed and we lost touch. So within the past few weeks, he moved back and I've been hanging with him and his friends a lot more. This thought popped into my head that maybe I should tell them the real deal with me from the beginning rather than have to face coming out to them further down the road. Sounds like a good idea? Well it gets a little complicated of course. These newer friends are mutual friends with all my other ones and that pretty much puts me in square one. If I tell anyone from that group or who even associates with that group, everyone will know shortly after as nobody can mind their own business. These newer friends might keep it on the dl if I ask them to. But still trying to feel that one out. The other half of the coin as always is I'm not sure how they'll take it if I do tell them. The last factor in this whole thing is that I kind of have a particular interest in my one friend. This involves a little background too. I met him senior year in high school taking emt class. I thought back then that he might be gay and was kind of interested in him. But back then I still thought I was in a phase or something so I pushed the feelings aside. I'd see him here and there over the years, but now he's back and I hang with him a lot. I still get this feeling about him. But again, I brush it off and say that he can't be and its only a man crush I have on him. However, my one friend who I am out to, asked me if this kid he's seen me with more often was an interest of mine. I'm like oh god no he's not gay. And my friend said that he thought this kid may be. So I've had that planted in the back of my mind since. I've never seen him with a girl or anything and anybody can talk the talk. I've done it for years. So with that in the back of my mind I'm not really sure what to think anymore. So putting this all together, do I want to tell my newer group of friends who has the same mutual friends as me and one of which I am particularly fond of. And on a whole other note, what do I do about that one friend? He may not even be gay, I may have a straight man crush if that makes sense lol. Just looking to see what some of you have to say. Thanks, Hope you all had a good weekend.
Don't overthink these things - it's a waste of mental energy. I'd say come out to them. In a casual way, not the get-out-the-soapbox-I-have-an-announcement sort of way. What's the casual way? Act like they already know. Even if you're sure they don't. So if talk turns to boyfriends and girlfriends, you can say something like "Well, I've been looking around a bit, but I'm still kinda new to it all, and I haven't found a guy that really floats my boat yet." Something you might say to someone you're already out to. If you get the "OMG, you're gay?!" thing, you can do a confused "Uh, yeah - I thought you all knew." But you'd be surprised how often you don't. The other guy? If you've got mutual friends, obviously, find a way to let him know you're gay. At that point, ball will be in his court. Lex
Is there any way you can meet up with the guy one on one? Maybe ask him out for a drink as friends and see how it goes.
If you're not sure that these friends can keep it to themselves, then perhaps it's not a good idea to come out to them. But on the flip side, why not? Would it be horrible for other people to find out? The fact of the matter is you ARE gay, right? Just a thought... And wrt to the one friend, perhaps THAT is the person you come out to first. And maybe that isn't the casual comment that Lex suggested, because you're telling him for a reason - you want him to know. Perhaps that will allow him to come out to you too - but be prepared for him not to. Do what works for you. It's not an easy situation. Good luck.
yea, id come out to him alone first. it would probably be easier. and not to get your hopes up, but wouldnt it be great if he said he was too? then u could be like, "score!" and maybe hed take a liking to u too.(if he doesnt already)
if they are your friends and value who you are as a person then tell them, if they react badly then you can be reassured that they didnt really matter as friends, true friends stick by your side. as for the old group of friends that you have, depending on how you think they will take it and the same goes for them if they cant handle you being different then them, then you are more than likely better off. I know that when i came out most of my friends were like yeah we knew it already, and things were fine. a few had a problem with it but i was happy with my decision and realized i didnt need them to be happy...
