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Confused. Am I straight? Am I gay? Or am I bisexual?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Scaredtospeak, Jun 30, 2016.

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  1. Scaredtospeak

    Scaredtospeak
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    St. Cloud Minnesota
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm 100% sure I'm not fully gay. I am 100% sure I'm not fully heterosexual. But I'm also not 100% sure that I'm bisexual. I've always dated women, I have been married before to a woman divorced and remarried to the my best friend and the love of my life – it was a woman. We have a great sex life, and I love the woman's body. I love a vagina and breasts and the softness of their skin. I love having sex with women and tasting women kissing women. Having said that, I have had a lot of sex with men. I would estimate somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 sexual encounters with men. I don't particularly like kissing man, I don't particular like hairy man, or anything like that. I do love giving blowjobs, I love being a bottom and I'm OK at being a top. I love the taste of cum.

    Without sounding completely cold hearted, I just can't see myself in a relationship with a man. I don't think that's me. However, I don't know that I could go the rest of my life without having sex with men. Like I said, it's not that I'm attracted to men as a unit, I'm just attracted to the male anatomy and feeling it, tasting it, without sounding completely cold hearted, I just can't see myself in a relationship with a man. I don't think that's me. However, I don't know that I could go the rest of my life without having sex with men. Like I said, it's not that I'm attracted to men as a unit, I'm just attracted to the male anatomy and feeling it, tasting it, being involved sexually with it.

    So what the hell does that mean? I'm in my middle 30s, but I have no clue who I really am. Like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm not gay, but I'm pretty sure I'm not heterosexual either. But my truly bisexual if I don't enjoy kissing and touching and being intimate with a man? I don't particularly care to be intimate with a man, I just want to sex with a man. What the hell does that mean? Can anybody help me with this? :dry:
     
    #1 Scaredtospeak, Jun 30, 2016
  2. Tomás1

    Tomás1
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    San Francisco
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Just having sex, & without feeling, is superficial. I know, cuz you ve done it many times.

    I've been reading the new 25 yr edition of "Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav, & "Heart of the Soul". I was mainly interested in his work cuz I'm a sex addict, & like you, I've wondered what's underneath my urge to have lots of sex. I looked at my earliest history of sex: sexy play w my older sister, then I met a guy in college who gave me awesome blow jobs. My most recent red flag is that on hookup sites, I always end up with guys calling me "Sir" or "Daddy", cuz I'm looking for non recip blow jobs. But generally I'd never want to be friends w the guys servicing me. Meanwhile, tho I've been married, & had a guy lover for a year, most of my life I've had an unfulfilled longing to be in a deeply loving relationship.

    That's when I started reading Zukav. I've realized my love of cheap sex comes from sex w my sister & the guy in college - nsa type sex. Sex is really about love & relationship - I think most of us know that, deep down … tho many will also revel in the freedom of sex for sex sake alone.

    The other thing I realized, checking into my feelings before I go online for a hookup, I'm feeling lonely. Occasionally my upper brain will assert control, & tell me the truth: "Another hookup will not bring me the closeness I long for".

    So Scaredtospeak, may you look deep into your heart, to find out what is driving you.
     
    #2 Tomás1, Jul 1, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2016
  3. mvp 447

    mvp 447
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm in a very similar spot, I enjoy sex with other men but don't want any emotional intimacy, and I strongly suspect lots of otherwise straight men do. Don't be ashamed; it's certainly possible that you're bisexual. Honestly, it's not even really a big deal, though people don't understand that.
     
    #3 mvp 447, Jul 1, 2016
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