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I'm just gonna rant

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Derek the Wolf, Mar 8, 2009.

  1. Derek the Wolf

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    So yeah

    There's this guy at my school. He's my best friend, my mentor, my alpha, he means everything to me. He accepts me for everything (and he knows just about everything, a lot of which would make people even here disgusted). I know he loves me but he never says it. He's almost never serious about anything. He's great to talk to about problems but he brushes so much off. Sometimes he doesn't understand the emotional aspect of things. But he's so good at giving advice. He's got a ridiculous number of friends and he's always helping them with shit, it's incredible. He's a great guy. The problem is he helps them so much that he rarely talks to me. On one hand I'm glad he's helping, but I just want my buddy. Last time we talked about something serious we ended up cuddling, which he usually hates, but I think he understood how much it meant to me. I don't want to approach him with my problems because I'll just be another profile he's got to categorize, another case that needs the right advice. I want to be more than that. I want him to remember me. I want him to love me like I love him. But it's never gonna happen. Right now he's online in Second Life, we both are, and he's busy talking to his other friends, being helpful, and I'm sitting alone waiting for him to come talk to me. The worst part is in a few months he's going to school in Texas and I'm going to Pennsylvania. I'm hardly ever going to see him. Maybe once a year at a con, but we're never going to be friends like we are now. I'll probably never be held like I was, and I don't think I'll ever mean anything to him. He's all I want and all I can't have. AND he knows I feel this way. He's even tried helping me, told me we'll still be friends, I can always call him, but I'm tired of being far away from my friends. I just want someone to hold and to be here with me. On top of this I'm not talking to tyler anymore, so I don't have anyone to talk with while I cry. Like I said, I won't go to my alpha because then I'm just another profile. Hence this fantastic wall of text. Thanks for reading.
    I'm just so fucking lonely right now.
     
  2. Lexington

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    If he's really your alpha, you know he's gonna have a ton of betas. That's how the alpha thing works.

    So stop waiting for him to change - he can't. Instead, get out there and meet more people. Not to replace him, but to supplement him. He's obviously can't fulfill all your social (and possibly emotional) needs. Get to know some more people. They don't all have to be pinky-best-friends-for-life. They can just be guys you can chat about one or a couple of your interests from time to time - someone to play video games with, someone to go shopping with, whatever.

    Lex
     
  3. Derek the Wolf

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    Well the nice thing about having a negative feeling and being alone is it sparks the muse. I drew this.

    [​IMG]

    And thanks Lex. I know what you mean, I do need more friends. The problem is I don't have a car, I'm 45 minutes away from my school, which is a small, isolated place, and right now I'm just kind of overwhelmed by the attachment to him. I can't focus on anything else.
    This isn't one of those logical problems that has a solution. This is all in my head. And I know that.
     
    #3 Derek the Wolf, Mar 8, 2009
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2009
  4. Melissa

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    Awww, that's really sweet. I know it's rough, but I hope you feel better soon. (*hug*)
     
  5. Lexington

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    You only have a few months left before you head off to PA. So do what you gotta do in the interim. You've always got us. Yes, we're virtual, and the hugs and cuddles aren't physical, but I've found they do the job in a pinch. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  6. Roxas101

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    Hey mate,

    Don't give up hope! As has been said, try to help him in the supporting other peoples role... I've been in a position very similar to this guy before, and trust me - being the only person everyone confides in can get very dreary after a little while.

    Also, though this may seem hard, give him space - don't burden him with your problems. He WILL appreciate you for it, even if he doesn't say so. When you talk to him, try to have not so serious conversations - let him know that when he goes to talk to you, he can relax a bit and not have to deal with you as another problem.

    Hope this helps,

    Kaleb.
     
  7. Jim1454

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    Is there any way to start getting in touch with people you will be going to school with? Are there any chat forums for the university you'll be attending?

    I found that my world really opened up for me when I got to university. I'm hoping that will be the same for you. Good luck!
     
  8. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    I get the same way. OR rather I d id. I don't find many people I do that with anymore and I think it was just a phase in HS for me. I happened to do that very badly with two bully types in HS. My god, I idolized them. It was far more than a crush. To me, they were God. So I know where you're coming from, and the only way to dissipate the jealousy and angst is time. As corny as that really does sound, it's true. And even then, 5-6 years later, I still have NEVER forgotten their face, behavior, and everything.
     
  9. Derek the Wolf

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    I don't think that highly of him. I mean he's great don't get me wrong, but the emotional connection means more to me than how great he is. I get emotionally attached to inanimate objects (if you're curious about that check out Sean in my first kiss blog post ;3).

    Thanks for the kind words guys. I'm doing better now, I talked some things over with my alpha. ^.^