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Have to keep telling people I'm trans - help?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Althidon, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. Althidon

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    So I'm trans, and while I'm socially "post-transition" (male at work, male to my family, etc etc), I don't pass well. It feels like at least once every time I leave the house somebody mistakes me for a woman. This isn't just random cashiers or whatever - it happens with the neighbors, co-workers, patients at work. These are people I'm going to see again, some of them regularly.

    But I suck at confrontation, and I hate having to be like "no, actually, I know I look like a girl but I'm really not". So I hate when people think I'm a woman, but I don't correct them. And then it gets worse because I didn't and they don't know and then it's even more awkward...

    Anybody have any tips for making this easier? Right now I just have my fingers crossed that finally being on T will help change my appearance, but I don't want to keep relying on that.
     
  2. BradThePug

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    Something that I found that helped me before I was on T was working on making my mannerisms more masculine. Since transmen are socialized as female, we naturally tend to have more feminine mannerisms. So, I just started to watch men and how they acted. People watching really helped me be able to pick out and adopt some more masculine mannerisms. Also, voice inflection is a big thing. Men tend to speak with less inflection on their voice. Speaking with more inflection on your voice tends to make people think that you are more feminine.
     
  3. MrK21

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    Just smile and politely say "I'm a guy!". If they get all protesty just say we can do this all day but we're not getting anywhere. If its a patient say well i am your nurse/dr and my gender is not relevant to you.
     
  4. Althidon

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    Yeah, I really need to just suck it up and say it. I don't know why I find this so hard.
     
  5. Reflect Manta

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    that's just the natural consequence of what they see and what you feel you are not lining up.

    I don't care what you want to be called because it's not really my business, as I generally just refer to people by their names. but if it's not being reflected in self-apparent evidence(human eyesight) there's always going to be people who stick to varying degrees of skepticism rather than just caving out of politeness.
     
  6. Althidon

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    I don't know if you're doing it on purpose or what, but that's an entirely unhelpful and very hurtful post. You don't know what I look like or why people might be making this mistake. I'm just asking for advice on how to make telling people a little easier.
     
    #6 Althidon, Jul 12, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2016
  7. Reflect Manta

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    is it false or something?
     
  8. LadyLikeDream

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    I really not sure what to tel you , because i experience very similar situations, some people maybe they feel good when they misgender me i guess, i'm not taking much of action toward this type of people as of now, i think this can come naturally when i advance more in my transition , as this will give me more confidence to handle this situations .

    But in some other times i think of this thoughts and i say : what if i was born in a physical female body (to match my gender) , Or what if i was born in a physical female body that looks a little more masculine and people misgender me, how i'm going to handle it ?

    So try to think of it that way, what if you was born in the correct gender body (which for you would be Male) but this body was more on the feminine side, people misgender you, how are you going to handle it?

    At the end i would say we try to improve as much as possible, until we gain a full confidence needed.

    I hope i'm not confusing you, i just want let you know your not alone, i hope this helps.