Greetings to everyone , I came here because i have been experiencing a lost of stress and anxiety in my life , so without wanting to bother anyone by writting too much here goes my circumstances: I am a 20 year old male , i grew up being nurtured by my mother and 3 younger sisters , I have also been heterosexual in my young age , i was that guy in my friends group who would act really bold towards women and be funny , e had a girlfriend with whom i lost my virginity and vaginas have always been the reason of my pleasure , as a teen i began taking drugs , i went to live with my father because my relationship with my mother sucked , it didnt went well with my father , at this time i was an extrover dude lots of friends and an enjoyable person but i had a love crush agony and began getting really depressed , first anxiety then depression insecurity i coudnt look my bros in the eyes and this took a long time , i could only tell in my head that i sucked and was a disgrace when i was with more than one people i have trouble fitting in its like i have something to hide everytime i breathe really heavily , at first i though this was just anxiety and depression , but thn i began noticing a few things : - I feel different than my male friends , the way of being posture energy and stuff . - I look at my body and sometimes i feel weird - I think everything notices i act weird - I am pretty awarre that people can see behind my insecurity - At first i just though i was really anxious - At 16 i identified myself as Bi but all sex with same sex wasnt appealing to me - Everytime i am with friend specially my best friend i get that urge inside of me that makes me go anxious and hide something cant look in the eye and act really weird and it ruins everything no one takes me seriously i feel no harmony in myself , so i think should i do something really weird and jump on my friend ? I feel no romantic attraction for men , and sexual attraction not that much too , like i dont see myself kissing another man or having sex at this moment of my life . - But this impulse wont just go away . I swear i dont understand i dont feel gay at all , i dream about sex with women , i watch women porn , but the way i act is not mainly like my friends , I am too caring and sweet person to fit as a male although i keep doing it cause i like women , I just dont know what to do . Should i just face this as a phase of my life that im insecure and anxious and confused towards myself , cause man i swear that i fucking love pusy , or face the fact that these impulses and thoughts that seem so out of my will and make me feel so depressed and sad must be fullfilled anyway ? I grew up with a gay cousin i love him he is like a brother , he ame out so naturally , i assumed to myself that gay people just are or came out naturally , but for me that i dont see myself romatically with other men i have trouble understanding how I am gay , or if this even a discussion or i am just depressed and submissive near other males , feeling less masculine . Can someone give me an opinion ? Sorry for writting so much
hey man. sorry youre having such a rough time. i can relate to some of your feelings. i used to feel strange around other guys too, especially my gay friends because they were able to come out of the closet so confidently. ive just recently come out as bi to my mother and gf, i know sounds weird, but it worked out well. i love women and vagina, and always used to only watch porn with women in it, and slept with tons of women. but eventually i realized i was doing this to prove to myself i wasnt gay in any way and wanted to be as alpha as possible. im not sure if this is the same with your case, just giving you my situation's perspective. youre still young dude and have plenty of time to figure yourself out. take a deep breath, chill, and dont get too worked up over all of this. you will find yourself soon, and know who you are. you dont need to define who are what you are immediately. good luck man and its a good thing you came on this website. its very helpful
I dont even feel will to do anything with man , but the impulses accumulated are making my head explode godamn and not being able to live , but i currently like women and it seems good awesome for me i get aroused not with man . Why the fuck i feel like a woman sometimes or weird ...
