Hi everyone, long-time lurker here etc. I've got a bit of a dilemma I'd be interested to know your thoughts on. Sorry if it's a bit long and self-indulgent. Basically: I'm about 70% sure I'm at least mostly gay. As out of touch as I am with my emotional side, I don't think I've ever really felt any attraction to girls, while I do feel a certain spark around some guys (including, I now realise, the occasional crush on male friends). I remember the flash of clarity when I first thought, 2 years ago, that I might be gay and it all seemed to make sense. Never 'done' anything gay though, or told anyone how I feel, partly out of general coming-out fear but also because I'm not quite sure I am gay. After spending long, lonely months thinking over this (and... doing the other thing) I've realised maybe I'll never know for sure unless I actually get a bit more involved in gay life, and find out in the field, as it were, whether I'm gay or not. I increasingly think I am, and probably the thing I want to do most in my life right now is take some sort of first step with this. I've been thinking about either telling all this to a close gay friend, or going along to my university's GLBT society. My concern about the second one is that I might get spotted and outed prematurely (it's not that big a city I'm in), but on the other hand it'll be less of an issue if it turns out I'm not gay. I'm not worried my friend will out me if I tell him, but I think he might find it a little odd given my general tendency not to talk about emotions and stuff. On the other hand, just maybe he's noticed my lack of girlfriends in all the years I've known him, and has already put two and two together. Come to think of it, I'd be rather surprised if he hadn't. What do you think I should do?
well, u obviously put some thought into it. if your 70% sure, never found girls attractive(like me) and had several man crushes and not a girl one, id lean a little more to the side saying that u may just be gay. but only u will know what u are. i think u should attend a gsa meeting at your university and see what u think about it. it may be a good way to help u get a definate answer. and as for your friend, they arent as stupid as we think they are! trust me, if what u said is true, he may have his suspisions. and a lack of girlfriends can be a give-a-way... but im sure youll figure it out. good luck! were here to help whenever u need it! and welcome to ec!
Hi! Glad to have you offically! ^_^ Now, I think doing both of the things you mentioned are a good idea. Also, just because your a part of the GLBTA (and I add A for the Asexuals ) Society, doesn't automatically mean you're gay. If anyone questions you, and you don't wish to tell them that you think you are gay, say you're a supporter of Gay Rights. Again, this is just if you're not comfy with the idea of saying otherwise. I'm not saying to lie or anything. ^^; I think that like me, and others around here, you're just not comfortable with yourself enough to tell others in your daily life. That's okay. No rush. Probably why I'd recommend talking to your friend first and telling him you are questioning. Especially if you trust him. Then maybe you can go to the society together and be more relaxed. I hope this helps, if only a little. You'll get better advice from other people I'm sure. Good luck. (&&&)
Hello and welcome to EC. If you dont want to take either step immediately you could just hang around here for a while and talk to people here, listening to their experiences might help you chose which option you might feel more comfortable with, although I agree that both are good options.
Going to a QSA meeting is definitely worth a try. At my college, as soon as I admitted it to myself, I went to an educational ally network session where you learn more about the LGBT community. Then I went to the QSA, which was more activism-oriented (and scarier, as I was just coming out). Now there's a support group on my campus which is more chilling-oriented instead of "living out loud", and allows for people who are only just questioning their sexuality as well. If all your school has is a GSA, go at least once; or maybe email the coordinator of that club for more information.
Hi, and welcome! From the things you say, I'd think there is a definite chance of you being gay. And if you have doubts, going out for "field research" might clear things up. I'd say you could tell your friend you're doubting. He's sure to understand. Odds are he has been there himself. And if you're not quite up to visiting a local GLBT society, he might even show you other societies, which are a bit out of the way of the ones where you might get recognised.
Welcome to EC! >>>My concern about the second one is that I might get spotted and outed prematurely... "Hey, I saw you at gay student union!" "Really? What were YOU doing there?" Lex
Thats also my problem at the mo. I wanted to join this talk group for lesbians/bisexuals who are having problems with whatever but at the last moment I decided not to go because I got scared that I would be spotted by someone. But I think I wont go because I have this lovely site with lovely people. And I'll definitely go to a gay club sometime in the near future. I think having no dates with girls already is kinda suspicious to your friends- hopefully you're friend's arent homophobic. My flatmate does seem to not like the idea of me questioning my own sexual orientation- he keeps on saying: you're straight. That's the kinda thing that bothers me.
Thanks so much for all these messages of welcome and support. Now it's in writing, it does seem rather likely my friends (who luckily are very liberal-minded) will have their suspicions. The GLBTQA society as far as I can tell is pretty chilled and wide-ranging in membership, and I think I'll go at some point (Lex, you're totally right - pretty silly of me to worry about something like that when we'd all be in the same position) but I'll email my friend first. As several of you have said, he's very probably guessed, he's been through the same thing and he may well have some advice on what to do next and how to increase my gaydar signature (he's kind of camp, and I'm not). I really value your advice too, of course, and I'm very pleased to have found this place and the kind people on it. Sorry to hear about your flatmate, though, Alannah26. Sounds like he's in denial about something, but maybe in some way he thinks he's helping? Like he thinks you're asking to be reassured that you're straight? I don't know, I shouldn't start conjecturing when I don't know the details.
