So this is a little tricky...my parents are divorced, and it wasn't an easy one. My mum says she's fine with me coming out to her, but I haven't come out to my dad as I'm not sure on his reaction. I'm also worried that my dad will see my coming out as another fight tactic from my mum (as I said, is wasn't an easy divorce). My experience of my dad's attitude towards lgbt is that he doesn't wasn't to appear homophobic but he's said some things and left out others that make me think that he's at least somewhere on that spectrum. Our relationship hasn't exactly been easy but after the divorce we seem to have been getting closer together and I'm about to move quite far away for uni and I'm terrified of losing him. He's my dad and I love him no matter what. Going back to my mum, she says she's fine but she's also just asked if I could help her find a parents of lgbt support group. I asked why and she just said she had some Thu vs she wanted to ask or talk about, but not with me. I'm worried this means she isn't as fine with it as she claims to be. I know these Thu gs take time but she's had almost half a year now, and we talk about it quite regularly. What problems could she be having and is there anything I can do to help? Also, if anyone knows of a group like this it'd be really useful. I've looked but can't seem to find one anywhere near me. I'm still quite early on in the whole coming out process. So far only two members of my family and two incredibly close friends know. If anyone has any advice regarding how to come out to my dad or how to help my mum deal with things I'd be so grateful. I've never met anyone like me where I live and I often feel incredibly isolated.
Hi there friend, I am pretty close to both my parents, they are divorced also. When I told them, they were both a little surprised but not fully shocked. I was surrounded by gay friends most of my life so I think that got them somewhat open minded. My parents were never against lgbtq but they were never really for it either. It took a little time for them to really be okay with it. I never felt the need to come out until I met someone, which I did at 21. So when I met her I introduced her to my family and it went from there. I never really had to "come out". My mom took a little bit to warm up to my girlfriend (say hello and hug when she sees her) but she's great now and treats my girlfriend like family. My dad was a little more upset than my mom, he had always asked me throughout my life but I never felt comfortable telling him. I'm glad I waited because he still doesn't know how to act around my girl LOL. But if you are close to your parents, which it seems like you share somewhat of a connection to them, it will all be okay. Parents are going to love you forever. My aunt had to talk to my mom and she said "why are you upset, because it's a women? Your daughter is completely loved, this girl adores her, what is wrong with that? Would you rather her be with someone that doesn't love her that way and treat her that way?" And that's what really got my mom to open her eyes. It's all about your life, you loving yourself, and you making the choices for yourself to be happy. Parents will admire that. So my best advice is to be your true self, unapologetically. Everything is meant to be and everything will be okay.
my advice is that you don't have to come out to anyone, and you don't need approval form them either. either just go right up to him and say it or don't. that's what it boils down to in the end. >but that's hard and stressful and takes courage. ...and you still either do it or don't. pick one, muster your determination, and don't beat around the bush. the more you give into your stress and nerves, the more control you let them have over you, and the more stress you feel. indecisiveness is your enemy here: nip it in the bud.
Thanks, I really appreciate your advice. Here's the nag...I was with my dad last night and he made a bad joke about the lgbtq+ community ( I can't remember what it was). Which was a bit sad, but what really got me was about an hour later. We were walking down the street and there was a gay couple kissing in the middle of the pavement. He didn't even try to hide the look of disgust on his face and he (and I cos he was holding my arm) crossed to the other side of the street. I don't understand how he can be so anti-gay. I mean, his sister is very happily married to a woman. But he didn't go to the wedding. I had planned to bring him around gently when I went to uni, but I'm going really far away and I'm scared of damaging the fragile relationship between us. I know some people say it's better for someone to know who you really are for a few seconds than live your entire life with them as a lie, but is that really true? I mean, he's my dad. I can't replace him if he rejects me.
