Today I told my therapist, who I have been seeing for anger management problems, that I am bisexual. Honestly telling her I was bisexual was harder than the I want to smash stuff short temper problem was. I brought it up because last Sunday was my 8th year wedding anniversary. I say 'again' because my wife knew I was bisexual before we married. The problem is I still love her to pieces, but the bi part wants some physical intimacy she doesn't have the equipment for, to put it bluntly. Also it's again; because I don't know if she accepted it, forgot or just chose to ignore it. I thought writing a letter of sorts would be easy since I write stories with complex characters. That apparently doesn't translate to writing my own actual feelings down... At the moment all my brain can come up with is "I love you lots, but I still want boys sometimes." So for those of you who have struggled to come out to a spouse, do you have any pointers?
I'm in the same situation. Been married for 8 years and just realized I'm bisexual. I want to know the same answer. Telling my wife was really hard because I've been in denial for years and I told her I have confusing feelings before, but not that I am bisexual. It seems pointless almost, but the idea of telling everyone is scary. Telling my wife was easy once I finally just said it because she is really supportive. But I spent over a year afraid to bring it up and trying to change. I tried to bring it up and got sick to my stomach several times. I was extremely frustrated sexually because I wanted something she didn't have equipment for, but just kept having sex with her the same. If you have a relationship built on honesty, I hope you can just tell her. I know that being honest leads to a fulfilling life and keeping secrets leads to pain. I believe the sooner the truth comes out, the happier you will be. I could have saved myself pain if I was just honest. Now I want to know how and if I should come out to everyone.
Hi I was married 30 years before I came out. There was always something that came up...work, illness, deaths etc. That made it awkward. I finally told (again) a couple months ago. She, too, forgot completely I told her I was bi when we met and I never reinforced it. I was terrified. So, I wrote a long hand written letter about how much I loved her and how all the feelings for her were real. I kept the need for "dude sex" out of the letter but referred to my gay side as an integral part of me that allowed me to be who I am...which it is. The letter was very romantic and she keeps it with her. Turns out she likes me being bi because we can guy watch together. Still working on how much I get to play with guys but there is some. I wish I had been more open decades earlier because being out with her has made our relationship better. Good luck. ---------- Post added 13th Jul 2016 at 02:50 PM ---------- I thought I would add that in my initial "out" conversation with her I did not bring up that I really desired some man time. I needed her to accept me first and not get into those details. But, every person is different and I would be prepared for the question. She did ask me a couple days later if I needed to act on it. I told her it was something we needed to decide together. That sounded good at the time, but I have had to push the matter.
I can relate to life getting in the way Nickw, this week hasn't gone a smoothly as I would have liked. Thanks for the help, I appreciate it.
