So im a 42 years old man, I have known for quite a long time that I was gay and was attracted to other men but lived the "NORMAL" life got married young had two kids, everything your supposed to do. in my mid twenties my wife and i divorced and i won custody of my kids, I have raised them by myself but always kept on the straight and narrow, never really dated, just worked and kept all my focus on my children and basically lived life through them. They are now grown and living lives of their own and now im starting to realize I don't know what to do with myself. I know im gay, no one really knows (or at least hasnt said anything) as i kept it very private and put it on the back burner. I need some advice on slowly coming out to people i love, but most importantly how do you meet people and put yourself out there to find a meaningful relationship? i have been out of the "dating" scene for so long i have no idea what to do or how to do it. Sex is not as important to me as just finding someone to bond with and feel comfortable around (im sure the sex part comes later, but even with that i don't even know what im doing). I am a rather quiet person and very guarded until i get to know you, im not shy as i can talk to anyone but guarded when it comes to this. I just need some help, direction, as i am just all over the place with emotion, loneliness, just a sense of no direction. Help me? ;o)
Hi, Often the advice about coming out goes along the lines of picking the right people to come out to first. People you think will be accepting. Maybe a friend that you know is already supportive of LGBT people? How are you children with that sort of thing? Do they have any gay friends? Whoever you decide on, just go slowly as you feel comfortable. Maybe you can start by casually/naturally bringing up an LGBT issue, something in the news, something on TV. See how they react. If you get a positive response you can go from there. If not then you choose someone else. Finding a partner is another thing entirely I guess, but if you're putting yourself on the market I think you just need to be honest about what you want and how new everything is for you. Quite a lot of people will relate to what you're going through. There are some popular dating apps/sites out there but many are geared more towards just sex. Some are more focused on dating/relationships but I can't really speak to that myself. Anyone??? I hope some other users reply to you as well because I'm not any sort of expert and really just working though my own similar stuff as well. If you're interested in reading about people more specific to your own age, check out the Later In Life section as well. I'm in my early 30s and it helped me quite a lot to find that I wasn't alone at all. There's always someone just like you! Good luck! Mark
Your life is at a stage where you would be free to make a change on your own terms, once you figure out what you want. Based on what you wrote, can I suggest that you try to find some social groups that are friendly to gay and lesbian folks? There are gay-friendly churches, and PFLAG groups even in places like Virginia. If you can find one of these groups and start joining in, you'll have a lot of opportunities to have platonic, informative conversations with other people who are quite a bit like you, but more "out" than you are. I think this would give you confidence. To do this, you won't have to announce to your family members what you're doing. You can save that for later. Later on, once you've figured out what you want, perhaps your kids might be the most understanding. Am I right about that? How do you think they would react? For now, you don't have to take that step, since it seems more important for you to figure out exactly where you would want to go with this.
I think the best way to come out is to your best friend. Tell your best friend first and slowly expand from there. If you can't do that another idea is to tell someone who you know is gay. You must know someone from work or in a social circle. If not talk to a therapist or something. You have come out to yourself already so that was the first step. Just take your time a think it out, as you tell more people you'll get more comfortable. There are several ways to meet people from social apps to gay bars to gay events. Try figuring out when there are pride events in your area. Go to it and get a hotel room. Chances are you'll meet a lot of great people there. You could even travel to one as a vacation. Check and see if there is a LGBT support group around and talk to them. Good Luck!
I suggest finding a glbtq therapist to see, who could guide & counsel u. Although u will get some good ideas here on EC … it'd be far more valuable to have another human who u can relate to, in your coming out. The other idea is to become part of glbtq groups such as potlucks, social gatherings, cultural, religious … whatever interests u.
