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Falling in love too soon!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Peter76, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. Peter76

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    Can anyone help me out? Whenever I start dating a guy, I always seem to fall in love very quickly.... and inevitably end up heart broken. I'm conscious of coming across as "needy" or "clingy", which I know are not attractive features.

    I asked the one friend I'm out to, and he said that it was just part of who I am and shouldn't change it. I'm currently dating a fantastic guy, and Im trying so hard to be realistic and take things at a suitable pace, but I already feel myself falling for him. As a result, I don't enjoy dating, I just find it stressful and anxiety provoking.... like Im just waiting for the inevitable to happen i.e. I'll come on too strong and he'll back away.

    Does anyone else feel like this? Or am I just too High maintenance?!?

    Peter
     
  2. kurisuttofu

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    well i think its natural like this (i do feel so as well verry often) but all you have to do is try to control your self and try to be natural, (well i know you wanted to hear other thing because this one is most common reply but what i can do its true) as for me i have so as well but than i suddnely stop to be so in to someone so the other part has to fight for me if not i just go away (im bastard i know lol)
     
  3. Eleanor Rigby

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    I don't think anyone can't help falling in love with someone. You have the fellings you have and I don't think there is anything you can do about it.
    But, maybe a part of the problem is not so much the feelings you have but the way to behave. I'm just guessing, because you don't say much about your attitude. Maybe (I insist on maybe) you just make your parteners feel uncomfortable if you express your feelings for them too quickly for them. They might need more time to developp the same kind of feelings for you and can be afraid seeing you in love with them so quickly.
    Try to let things come in there own time. Do things you enjoy to do with you boyfriend. Have good time together. It might be too early to express your feelings, that doesn't mean you can't show him that he is important to you with kind gestures. And when you will feel it's the right time, you can say him that you love him. But maybe you can say to that it is just to let him know and that you don't wait for an answer.
    I wish you good luck.
    take care, Eleanor
     
  4. Jim1454

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    It isn't easy, but you'll just have to keep yourself in 'check'.

    Maybe you're living too much of the relationship in your head. By that I mean you're replaying moments or imagining what your next conversation might be about, rather than actually just having that conversation when it happens. The brain moves a lot faster than real life does - and you might find yourself already farther down the path in the relationship than your bf.

    Keep communicating with him. That's one way to make sure you're in the same 'place' as him in the relationship.

    You're dating because you both like each other. So I think it's OK for you to be really 'into him'. Just don't be plannnig your life together if you've only been dating a couple of months. Stay in the present - otherwise you miss it. You're not enjoying the relationship because you're looking forward to or dreading things that haven't happened yet - and you're missing out on what IS happening.

    Does that make sense?
     
  5. Part of the 'needy' and clingy is part of love i think. there are those that take it too far and for them they need to keep it in check. Being cuddly or wanting time together is not wrong or unnatural, just realize you both need time to yourselves or things get out of hand.
    and some people need lots of space and others need little.....
    what happens if you both are needy and clingy?
     
  6. Peter76

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    Thanks for the advice guys, I really appreciate it. I really relate to the comment about living to much of the relationship in my head rather than what is now happening.

    Also, I like your idea Eleanor of showing kindness to my boyfriend.

    I will keep all this advice in my head and start enjoying the here and now! Thanks so much x
     
  7. tylerzane69

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    make sure that you talk to them as well, if you feel there is something wrong make sure you bring it up.... and yes time apart is good but if both or one of you is needy, trying to find that time and actually make it alone time is hard... cuz the other may feel left out or lonely and try to stay in contact when your trying to have time apart.... so make sure you talk about everything that needs to be talked about instead of just evaulating it in your head.