Okay, so I used to think I wouldn't come out to my parents until I was out of the house and could support myself, but I've recently realized that my parents aren't the type of people who would kick their child out of the house, no matter how unaccepting they are. I think I was just making up reasons to put off coming out. My dad is very religious and has said some blatantly transphobic things, so I don't think I want him to be the first person I come out to. My mom, on the other hand, is already a bit suspicious of my gender identity. I don't think she'll be supportive at first, but I think with enough time and my reaffirming to her that it isn't a phase, she'll come around. She's the type of person who won't let me finish a sentence if she doesn't like where the conversation is headed, so I've decided writing out my thoughts in a letter is the best way to come out to her. All that being said, I've written a draft of my coming out letter. I know it's more like a novel, but I would appreciate if someone could take the time to read it and give me some feedback: I’m writing this out because I don’t think I’d be able to articulate my thoughts to you in person. I know that there could be very negative consequences that come from me sharing this with you, so I’m terrified of giving you this letter. This is something I’ve been struggling with for as long as I can remember. Please try to keep an open mind and understand that this is very difficult for me to tell you. I have never felt comfortable being seen as a girl. I’ve always wished I had been born a boy and as a kid, I didn’t understand why I was expected to act like a girl when I didn’t see myself as one. Whenever I imagined myself as an adult, I saw a man, and I couldn’t picture myself growing up to be a woman. As I got a little older, I came to accept that I couldn’t change my gender and I tried to ignore my feelings and fit in. It wasn’t until eighth grade that I learned what the word “transgender” meant. Someone who I had known as Trischa since fourth grade introduced himself as Derek on the first day of school and explained that he was a transgender boy. I was immediately drawn to that idea and I began looking into it. I was so relieved and excited to know that there was a term to describe what I was feeling and that other people felt this way, too. I realized that I was transgender, and maybe I wouldn’t have to live my whole life pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m telling you this so you’ll understand that this is something I’ve been feeling for as long as I can remember. It isn’t just my latest phase or something that will go away if I ignore it. I have been putting off telling you for such a long time because I don’t know how you’re going to react. I hope that with time and learning more about what it means to be transgender, you will come to accept me as your son. I know you’ve probably heard of transgender people or seen a few of them in the media, but I’d like to tell you about my experience and why I know I am transgender. I have always felt disconnected from the feminine parts of my body, like they don’t belong to me. I’ve always felt more comfortable in men’s clothing, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. I begged you and Dad to let me cut my hair short and I was distraught when I thought you weren’t going to let me. I wanted to look more masculine because I was- and still am- uncomfortable in my own skin. When I go out in public with you or Dad, I’m constantly afraid that someone will call me “he” and embarrass you, but if it happens when I’m alone, it makes me happy and I don’t correct them. It excites me when someone sees me as I see myself. This is also why I feel so uncomfortable using public restrooms or locker rooms. I’m not a girl, but I’m still seen as one, so I don’t feel comfortable in situations where people are separated by gender. I’m sure you’ve had your suspicions about my gender. You’ve even asked me a few times if I was “trying to look like a boy,” which I think was your way of indirectly bringing up the possibility that I might be transgender. Each time you asked, I wanted to tell you that I was trying to look like a boy, but I was terrified of what you might say. I was never able to tell you the truth about what I was feeling and I thought I would have to suppress my identity until I grew up and moved out. I’m so afraid of disappointing you and I’ve tried to be the daughter that you can be proud of and brag to your friends about, but that isn’t who I am. I’m still the same person you’ve been raising for sixteen years, you just know me better now. I hope this news won’t affect our relationship, and maybe it will even bring us closer. As of right now, I do plan to transition in the future. What that means is that I will take hormones and have surgeries to make me appear and feel more masculine. I’d be happy to discuss this with you at a later time since I know it’s a lot to take in. In the more immediate future, I’d like to tell more people about my identity and start living openly as male. That would include having people use male pronouns and a new name, which I have put some thought into, but would be open to discussing. Please don’t worry about any of this yet. None of my future plans are set in stone and- if you are willing to have a conversation about this- and I’d be more than happy to discuss them with you and listen to what you have to say. Please take whatever time you need to think about this and then talk to me when you’re ready. I’d be happy to answer any questions that you have. There are videos and websites that I could show you to help you understand. I hope you realize how serious I am about this and try your best to accept it. Your support would mean the world to me. Love, Your son. Thanks in advance!
Yeah, it's definitely a little long-winded. I guess my thinking was that the more I write, the less I'll have to explain face-to-face lol. Thanks for the feedback!
