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I've been misunderstanding my sexuality all along.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Confused342, Jul 20, 2016.

  1. Confused342

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Austin, Texas.
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So, I always figured I liked girls more than guys, so I believed I was bisexual, until I got a girlfriend. After a year and a half of dating, I just haven't been feeling it and I still look around, especially at the boys. Halfway through our relationship, I started thinking about gender reassignment. Now it's all I think about, and I don't feel relieved because I know that if I do change my gender, which I really want to do, that I'd want to be with a guy instead of her. So... What do I do? And how would I tell my parents I want to be a guy instead.. :help:
     
  2. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think before you consider something as drastic as gender reassignment, and start telling your parents that you're trans, it makes sense to really explore who you are and what you want in more detail.

    In general, people who are trans have an absolute, solid, unshakeable awareness that they were born into the wrong body. In every way, they experience themselves as being the opposite gender to the one assigned at birth.

    What I hear you saying, instead, is that you aren't connecting deeply to the people you're dating, and that's a completely different issue.

    Now... if I'm misreading what you're saying and how you feel, then I'm totally OK with being completely wrong with my interpretation here. But if I'm correct (or close to correct), then therapy would be your first stop. Explore your attractions, arousal, and in particular, look at how easy it is for you to feel emotions strongly. My guess is there's some blocks to feeling strong emotions, which in turn is interfering with your ability to understand where your attractions lie. And as you work through that with your therapist, you'll also be able to work through whether you were born into the wrong body and need to explore changing your gender.

    I think taking that approach is likely to give you the best possible outcome.