I don't know how to start, but I need to express this somewhere. My life is lame. I don't have the slightest esteem for myself... I'm shy, unattractive and, needless to say, insecure. Being gay has undoubtedly strengthened this lack of confidence and inability to socialize properly. This causes me (or is the consequence of) an inferiority complex with most people, and particularly my brother who is everything I'm not -straight, outgoing, handsome and smart. I've finished high school but I feel my life is absolutely empty. I only have a few friends from whom I'm growing increasingly distant (have I ever been close?) and these past five years were, despite some ups and downs, quite dull. I was the one that'd stay at home instead of going to the school parties (the perfect chance for boys and girls to snog -what was I going to do there?). When I was 14/15, the senseless hope for 'better days' kept my chin up -and flushed away fleeting suicidal thoughts- but now I'm more aware of everything that's wrong with me and such hope has vanished. I'm starting college in a couple of weeks, and although I think it could be an opportunity to change my situation, my pessimistic side makes me think that my fears and paranoia are going to ruin everything once again. Now, you may be wondering -or have guessed by this time- about the title of the thread. I'm quite sceptical of therapists since I don't see how they could help me change myself, but at the same time I don't know what else I can do. I'd like to know about your experiences with them and if your results were overall positive. Perhaps that might help me take the plunge and try.
I've seen a few psychiatrists/psychologists and counsellors in my time. I didn't really like my last one, as she seemed completely unintelligent and patronising. She was bout 50 so she didn't really understand what I was going through at all. And she called my depression "sad thoughts." And it was like "omg omg omg shut up." But i remember I really really liked one I went to when I was about 13, because she was young and smart and we got on quite well. I find it hard to open up to people first, but I was thinking if I find someone I'm comfortable with (I'm currently looking for a new counsellor) then I am just going to write a letter, so that they can read it, because it's a lot easier than just telling someone all your problems straight out. Don't hesitate to go through a few people before you find someone you like, and you feel can help you. And it doesn't need to be something concrete that makes you try someone else. Even a gut feeling is enough I have been helped in the past and I highly recommend it, but remember, they're not a magic cure. You need to want to help yourself.
A lot of people underestimate therapy. Even if you don't get more, having an unbiased yet sympathetic person to listen to all of your concerns, fears, or whatever is extremely valuable, and they are there to assist. Psychologists will do this without medicine being involved; psychiatrists use both medicine and therapy. And therapists understand that not everyone is a match, so if someone doesn't click with the first therapist they try, that just means they should try someone else. Therapists understand this. I have seen therapy work extremely well for many people, when it with medical professionals (licensed psychologists/psychiatrists). Oh, and college can be scary, but I think most people find it to be a much better and more positive environment when compared to high school.
I'm going through therapy at the minute and I have to say it is having a positive impact, so far, but you will only be able to get out of it if you put everything into it at the same time. Take the first step, maybe it wont be right for you, or maybe the first therapist wont be right for you, but give it a try. If your feeling so bad then there might not be a lot to lose.
Eh I think I have that complex too, but it's more recent, since now everyone especially guys tower over me I feel small (5'7) but they are like (5'11-6'2) which makes feel strange. I always been shy as well. Yeah it sucks I'm looking forward to better days since I'll be free
College is great for exactly that reason. No one knows you, know one knows each other it is a chance to be whoever you want to be. If you were shy in High school be the outspoken fun one in college! My experience with college was I was so scared but somehow ended up at a Frat party my first night (I just said yes when invited) and made lifelong friendships. There is probably a glbt group you can get involved with too. (just make sure you do your homework after partying LOL). There is no social group or cliches established among Freshman they will all be lost like you and looking for a friend. As Far as counselors go I work in social work field so I am a little biased. A counselor should listen and never judge. They should help you figure out your own feeling and help encourage healthy decisions and discourage unhealthy ones. No counselor should ever try and change you! Its like anything there are good ones. Sometimes it helps just being able to tell an impartial third party how you are feeling without holding back, and knowing they are not judging you! Mainly that is what most people get out of their sessions confidentiality and release of emotion without judgement. If I were you I would give it a shot! It can't hurt anyways. If you don't like something they said tell them!! How can they help if they don't know it bothers you! Best of Luck in School and Life -Jen
I've been to therapists twice. The first time was way back when I was ten, and it's tough to really say whether or not it "helped". My memories are pretty positive, so I'd say, all in all, it was a good thing. The second time was when I was 24 and dealing with depression. I only saw him twice, because I was poor. But I found him quite helpful. I don't know what therapists are like in South America, but if possible, do some "shopping". Ask if you can meet with them for about ten minutes to basically explain what your problem is, and what it is you're hoping to achieve. Doing this will give you some idea of how comfortable you feel with him (or her), and if you think you'd be comfortable continuing on with him. Lex
well having been on both sides of the fence as it were, as a client and working as a counselling psychologist i can say that therapy works in very strange ways. The important thing is that its not for everyone. But why not give it a go and see what happens. My venture into therapy wasnt planned and eventually led to my coming out.
Thanks all of you for answering. It means a lot to me, really. What scares me most is the possibility of going to one who doesn't understand me at all or ends up making me feel worse than I do. After all, I'm going to tell him/her things I've never told anyone, so the process will definitely require a lot of commitment from myself. But I guess it's just something I'll have to go through. Luckily, my health insurance covers the costs, so, financially speaking, I won't have problems. As of GLTB groups, unfortunately there aren't many here in Argentina and surely not at university. The only GLTB group I count on at the moment is EC .
>>>What scares me most is the possibility of going to one who doesn't understand me at all or ends up making me feel worse than I do. Since it's free (or cheap), then why not give it a trial run? Go see one for a short session, tell him what the basic problem is, and see how you interact with him/her? If you don't feel any more comfortable at the end of that session, skip him, and try another. Lex
