Have feelings for my straight friend and I am now confused on what I should do.....

Warning: This might be a very long story so read if you want to if you don't it's fine

So thing is around 6 months ago I've started noticing the feelings I have towards a very good friend of mine ( I tell her stuff I never told anyone not even my parents ). I come from Buddhist family ( I know I know they should be like really accepting or something ), my parents are quite strict and my aunt and my grandparents are very narrow minded (I guess this is the opposite of being open minded???) My grandparents still think that girls shouldn't do things that boys are supposed to do, I got told off for doing taekwondo. My Aunt, that day she just told be that LGBT people are UNNATURAL!!! So that is just for you to know. Oh and I'm Asian so there really isn't like LGBT people on the street or protest for that.

Here comes the real part. The friend I have feelings for has a boyfriends and I'm pretty sure she is straight (not much people here would think their friend is les or gay or bi pr trans) To me she is like the perfect person for me, although many aspects of her is the opposite of me BUT opposites attract right? I would gladly give up anything for me to be with her but I just don't have the guts to tell her. In front of her, the tough person I am breaks down, and only she can see the conflicts inside of me. I go to an international school and life's ben tough before I transferred to an international school (primary school was a traumatic experience, got bullied for how I look and have fake friends who don't give a sh*t about me but don't worry, now it's the opposite of what it used to be. Leading a carefree life, if you don't count the perfect scores every Asian parent wants) Continuing on with the story, me and this person (crush I guess) have most of our classes together, so if I start acting weird and all she will surely notice. I mean, come on she's on of the few friends that welcomed me. Let's go on the timeline of me trying to come out to some of my friends shall we? (keyword "trying"). So the first time was I tried to come out to one of my very very very good friend ( who also knows things that no one knows) she lives on the same street I do so it is very convenient, I had her come over and we talked about some stuff and I told her about this 'problem' I had. Didn't really want to tell her but she wanted to know so she asked yes or no questions. Now all she knows is that I have this crush on a boy ( ok I admit I do like him a little but not to the point that I always think about it ) The second time is that I was having a sleepover with some of my close friends, not my crush tho she couldn't make it :tears: I also tried telling them but they also think I have a crush on that boy. Third time was just now, the friend who lives on the same street I do. I kept on thinking throughout the whole time she was here, thinking whether I should tell her or not and before I could finish deciding she left. Now two sides of my brain are having an all out war, one side says that TELL HER, SHE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU and the other side is like NO DON'T TELL HER. DID YOU THINK THIS TRUE?! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THE RISKS THERE ARE! JUST KEEP THIS A SECRET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! So that is my brain for like 24/7 for the past 6 months. Don't tell me to put some distance between the two of us she will notice that I have been avoiding her and if she asks me what's wrong the chances of me spilling the whole thing is 100%! So currently I don't know what to do. I have tried to fill any free time for me to think with Youtube, anime, books, music but they don't seem as effective as they do a few months ago. I'm always being confronted with this problem and don't know what to do. If you were to give suggestions, advice please but into consideration that I am a very self conscious person, the people around me are not very open minded, and just by being a LGBT person or someone supporting it can be very offensive to the community. But if you were to help me and it were to work, I'll love you till the end of the world (you know what I mean)

 

Re: Have feelings for my straight friend and I am now confused on what I should do...

Thanks for the advice Stewie. I might wait till I move out which will be in a couple years. I don't know if my crush is accepting of LGBT people becuz its weird to even mention that and people will suspect you immediately. I think I would wait a little longer? Before coming out