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Husband wants to tell family..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Eab91, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. Eab91

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    My hetero husband(soon to be ex) wants to tell his family that we are separating and the reason why... Which is because I came out to him as a lesbian. The reason he wants to tell his mother especially is because we currently rent a home from her and he will need to find a roommate to afford the house payment when I leave. So he needs to ask his mother if she minds him having roommates. I am so scared what his family will think.. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I don't know what to do. :frowning2:
     
  2. Stewie

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    I don't see why he needs to tell her the reason, honestly it's none of her business what the reason is, your adults and you made an adult decision to separate. There's no need to complicate things between you and his family especially with a young child/grandchild in the mix. If you decide to tell them at some point that's your decision, there no reason for him to be telling anyone, the only thing that's is potentially going to do is make your life away from him more difficult.
     
  3. Eab91

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    That's exactly how I feel... But he is so adamant about telling them. I told him I do not want him to but he says he needs to. But to me that do not seem fair. I am having so much anxiety because i know his family is not very excepting of the LGBT community. I feel like he is doing this to get back at me somehow. I am just trying not to think about it.
     
  4. Stewie

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    Hmmm. Are his parents going to come down on him because of the separation ? Are they strict/religious sanctaty of marriage types ? If so, he might be just trying to cover his own butt with them, by putting the blame of the separation all on you. Or like you said maybe it's just a small way for him to get back at you.
     
  5. Eab91

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    It's only his mother. She is very religious. We rent a house from her and I am 24 and he is 28 and she is still very controlling over him as if he was a child.
     
    #5 Eab91, Jul 24, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
  6. Stewie

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    So he probably tells her everything then... Well if he's dead set on telling her there's not much you can do, I still think it's none of her business, the only thing it's going to do is make your life more difficult, and possibly strain your relationship with her, and with a child involved you can't really sever ties with your sons grandmother. There's a reason he wants to tell her, the only ones I can think of are the ones I stated before... Not sure what else you can do but press him for the reason, explain that it's going to make this even more difficult then it needs to be.
     
  7. AnguishXx

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    I agree with what you both said... the possible reasons... (*hug*)
    This shouldn't be her business.
     
  8. mvp 447

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    It's a dick move, frankly. Also, if you're having a lot of anxiety for that, TREAT it now, before it gets bad. I developed panic attacks from a similar situation and a mix of other reasons.

    Also, YOU DO NOT NEED TO FEEL BAD FOR BEING WHAT YOU ARE, period. You probably only ever told him what you told yourself. It's a huge blow for a straight man to find out his wife is gay, he'll be considered "less of a man" by a lot of society, but only because society is really stupid and pathetic.

    If this woman is religious, frankly, she's not very smart anyway, so don't worry what she thinks. If anyone is going to hate you for being what you are, they don't deserve to be in your wonderful presence.
     
    #8 mvp 447, Jul 26, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2016
  9. Eab91

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    This is how I feel. I feel he's being revengeful... And I take Zoloft and Hydroxyzine for my anxiety and depression. A friend suggested I try Kava root.

    And thank you! you are right, I need to stop worrying what people will think about me once I completely "come out" but anxiety does not make it easy!:bang:
     
  10. Stewie

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    Pills=bad. Did you confront him on it again, see if he will give you a straight answer ?
     
  11. Shorthaul

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    If he is that old and still that bound by his mother's apron strings, it likely is a good thing you are leaving him. I have the utmost respect and love for my mother, but I don't have to tell her every little detail.

    Go find a nice strong women to treat you right and forget about the boy.
     
  12. OGS

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    I almost hate to put this out there, but I really disagree with what's been said. As hard as it will be, he has every right to tell her. His marriage is falling apart. This is happening to him too. How is he supposed to ever really deal with it if he can't even tell his family about it. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be hard for him too and he has as much right to process what is changing in his life as you do to process what's changing in your life.
     
  13. Eab91

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    OGS,
    I don't mind him telling his family that we are separating. But I haven't come out to everyone yet and I think a divorce and "oh hey I'm a lesbian too" at the same time would be too much... I know that he needs to have support as well, but I am not read to come out to all of his family yet.

    ShortHaul,
    Thank you! There were many issues in our marriage... Cheating, disrespect, emotional abuse and such. So I am relieved I am leaving as well. I just can't wait to be truly happy again.

    Stewie,
    My pills are prescribed :frowning2: they are they only thing that got me through depression. And I did ask him why he feels he needs to tell them WHY we are separating. And he said, "I have every right to tell them, and if I wasn't ready for them to all know I am a lesbian, then I should have never told him" :frowning2:
     
    #13 Eab91, Jul 26, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2016
  14. Stewie

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    I just don't like pills as a general rule, no judgement, if you feel you need them (*hug*)

    OGS. I'm not trampling on him, it's just the timing, and his resistance to even hold off on telling them at all. Or even to let Eab91 tell them herself.

    Hope this works out (&&&)
     
  15. Eab91

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    (*hug*)Thank you Stewie