Hi there EC friends!!! :smilewave I am getting ready to send a coming out letter to my mom. This is going to be the hardest coming out that I have had to do so far (and maybe ever; I have literally no idea how my dad will take it). I am having a really hard time feeling confident about what to say/how to say it/what order to say it in (and when to send it, too, but that's for a different post!), so any feedback would be appreciated!!! I also wish I could make it a bit shorter, but can't figure out what I could take out. Any words of encouragement to help keep me from chickening out would be great, too, if you've got 'em. :eek: Thanks so much for reading!!! Dear Mom, I am writing to you because there is something important I need to tell you and I thought writing would be best. Don’t be alarmed—I am totally fine and healthy! I chose to write because I wanted to make sure I had enough space to say everything and I wanted you to have time to process it all before we talk. So, please read this whole letter to the end, and take all the time you need to think things through before contacting me. I am writing to tell you that I am gay. I can imagine that you might be shocked to hear this, and you might even be thinking that it can’t be true. But I have discovered that it is actually more common than you might think for people to come out later in life. I spent many years repressing and denying my feelings, then trying to ignore them and hoping they would go away, and finally acknowledging them but struggling to accept myself and not feel ashamed. Now I have finally fully accepted myself and feel very certain that this is who I am. I know it might be hard for you to accept this part of me, but please remember I am still the same person I was before, and I hope that knowing the truth about this aspect of me will not change our relationship. Nothing has changed for me except that I am happier and I have finally found the courage to be true to myself. I am really sorry I kept this secret from you. It is very hard for me to tell you even now, because I don’t want to hurt you or disappoint you. Especially after everything you went through when I had [a long-term illness] and [another lengthy and disabling health problem], I didn’t want to burden you with another thing that might cause you worry or pain. I have always wanted to make you happy and proud of me. But I have realized that I can’t stand hiding this part of myself anymore, and continuing to be dishonest would be unfair to you as well. Finally, I want to say that I love you very much! You are the best mom anyone could have! You have always loved me and supported me in everything I have done. You have passed your values on to me and taught me to be the most loving, kind, strong person I can be. And you have worked so hard to give me the best in everything. I am so grateful for everything and I am so lucky to have you as my mom! Please let me know you got this letter, but take all the time you need to take this in; we don’t have to talk right away. I know you might have some questions, so feel free to ask me and I will try to answer. Also, I am not sure if you will want to share this news now with [her husband/my stepdad] or not. Either way is fine with me, but please don’t tell Dad yet—I want to tell him myself when I feel ready. I love you so much. Love, [freeapril]
I think it's a beautiful letter One can sense the love, and the power of truth as well. It sounds resolute, but also gentle and caring. Your mother will have to understand how this means to you!
Amazing letter! I feel like I could write this to my mom and not have to change anything really. Wish you the best.
I think its a an excellent letter. Don't worry about it being too long, you should ensure that you say everything you need to say. One suggestion might be to add a short paragraph about why it is so difficult to come out, such as everything around us is bombarding us with heteronormative signals. Obviously phrase if differently! We all know how hard it is coming out, but if you could try to get your Mom to see just a small part of what we go through it may help. Keep us informed and the best of luck!
That is a well thought out letter. Gives me a few ideas for a letter I am struggling to write. Thanks for sharing.
This letter is clear, straight to the point and very well written. I wish you the best. Many people could use your coming out letter as a model on how to begin theirs, especially if they are teenagers or are clueless on how to begin.
This letter could literally be from myself. I was/still am chronically unhealthy as well and it's had a big impact on my independence which is so important when you come out. It's really held me back because I still depend on family for quite a lot. I'm glad to read that you're doing well and have moved past that part of your life. Anyway, yes, it's a great letter and I think your mother will appreciate the nice things you've said about her as a parent. It's very sweet. Let us know if you do send it and how it goes in the days that follow. Best of luck!
It's a real pro touch to summarize what you are going to say in that first paragraph, and get right to the point. It's obvious you must be a very good communicator.
Thanks so much for your replies everybody!!! (&&&) It means so much to me to hear all of your encouragement and have your support! Despite all of y'all's awesomeness, I have not sent the letter yet though :icon_sad:...I told myself I would send it yesterday but then I had a bunch of not great stuff happen with work and so I felt like it wasn't a good time because I was feeling a bit stressed out. But I will definitely be sending it within the next few weeks/in the beginning of September at the latest, and I will definitely post to let you all know how it goes! Thanks again everyone! :smilewave
This letter is incredible! It's really relatable, and there's nothing I would change. I really hope your mum doesn't have a problem because you've put so much work into your letter. Good luck if you've not already shown your mum!
I was so lucky. I had a Mother and Father who loved and supported me. They survived my marriage (wrong, wrong, wrong) and they love me for myself and not for any stereotype. I hope your parents are as supporting. You deserve it.
