Hello, everyone I would like to share my story and I hope I'll find some answers in your advices. Well my story began three years ago, back then I considered myself as straight at least that was what I wanted maybe to believe. I was in really bad phase of my life, really depressed. I just had started gym back then and each time I was exercising I would usually wear my earphones listening to music and I wasn't paying attention to other people around besides gym trainers. Soon I started seeing a guy all the time being in front of me and showing off, he was always standing somewhere like he wanted me to see him. In the beginning that really annoyed me and I remember that I stopped going to the gym for two weeks, when I went back I had forgotten that person but then again someone was doing the same thing and then I rememeber that it was the same guy from the last time. Then soon he was trying to have a talk with me and we did but just a simple hello. We were having eye contact all the time for a month and then he just disappeared. That is when I realised that I'm gay. I ve never seen that guy before I didn't know how old is he, nothing, and just three months later I was at the university, and while I was inside the class I looked on the other side and I saw him, I thought I'm starting to have delusions, but no it was him. we had once again eye contact. when the teacher said we can have a break he went out for a short time and then he went back to his chair, took his things and came and sit behind me to say hi. He was a co-student of me but one year older. In the end before I leave I introduce myself to him and he said he knew my name. Neither he or I had common friends or nothing. So I left and then he disappeard once again. One year later and I meet him again, in university, this time both of us had to attend the same class and we were like 10 people in that class. We became fb friends and then things got worse. I love singing and music and I use to upload a lot of that music in my profile, so apparently he also was a music creator and lover and he started texting me about how much he likes my music. and just is that how in like a month we became inseparate. We were collaborating in music. Only two months that he would know me he would tell me that he loves and he trusts me more that anyone, and that I'm his other half. Well he found a girlfriend soon and then things got more complicated. We were fighting about simple things but he was always coming back. While many of his friends had met his girlfriend, he was trying to avoid me meeting with her. It was like me and her that he would talk with all the time. After a year of all these I decided that I had to tell him what I feel so I disapeared for a while and he was trying to contact me about what happened. So I told him the truth and he said he was suspecting it for a while but he dindn't want to believe, so we said goodbye cause that the best for both of us. However one year later, three months ago he start texting me again that he doesn't care if i'm gay and he wants me back, but once again he didn't clearify what is he really wants and while we were talking two weeks we started talking again about why do we feel and then again when we reach a dead end he stopped talking and while I went out on dating with other people over these years, my heart is there and he keeps getting back and I do that too and I don't really know what to do, should I fight for this love and how? cause I really don't know if I'm capable of letting it go. What is going on with him, is he bi, straight, confused, is he really give me mixed signals or its something more than mixed? Thank you all for reading my story...
In all honesty, you could get stuck in this loop forever and spend many years becoming emotionally invested in someone who is (or seems to be) out of reach, fighting for a love that doesn't exist, except in your own imagination. I know that sounds very harsh, but you haven't offered any conclusive evidence of a deeper connection and we can only surmise about his sexuality, based on what you have told us. Do you want all of that time to pass by? How would you feel if you spend the next 2-3 years hoping for something to happen with this one guy and he eventually finds someone else and settles down? I'm afraid there comes a point when you have to let it go and move on and that time is probably now. Give yourself a chance of real love with somebody who is looking for the same. It's great if the two of you can be friends, but if you are so in thrall with this guy that it's giving rise to feelings of jealousy when he meets someone, it may not be possible. You might just have to accept that. Sorry if this isn't the answer you were hoping for, but it is my honest assessment.
