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Need Help COMING OUT

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by comingoutgay21, Jul 29, 2016.

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  1. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi everyone

    Where to begin............ I'm a 22 year old gay guy from Ireland I have now I was gay since I was 13 but had a lot of trouble accepting it and I just was in denial until two years ago when I final stopped ignore my feelings. I must mention that I was an over weight kid and got bullied right up till I left school so that all so mad me want to fit in and ignor my feeling and say it was just a phase but I have final accepted the fact that I'm gay but I don't know how to come out to people I have a very accepting family but I also don't want to come out to everybody at once but I am sick of being in the closet and having to hide from it any longer

    I was debating coming out to my best friend first were really like brothers but I don't know how he would take it also I want to come out to my mum I all ready sort of dropped hints that I might be gay but I don't know and she did say she would not care as long as I was happie but I don't know I think I might Wright a letter to her as I don't think I could tell her I don't know I really don't know what to do but I need help as I'm tiered of having to hide and live a lie.

    And also for the 4 years I've suffered whit depression anxiety and panic attacks but I have been getting better and I was 28 stone but I have been on a diet and lost 7and half stone since the start of the year and am continue to do so.

    Sorry if this is a bit all over the place but I just need to get some advice

    Thanks for reading :icon_bigg:icon_bigg:icon_bigg
     
    #1 comingoutgay21, Jul 29, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2016
  2. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    A letter is certainly an option if you are struggling to find a way to start a conversation and these Empty Closets - Coming Out Letters might provide some inspiration.

    There is no doubt that being in the closet is stifling and it affects our mood and overall wellbeing, so coming out could have a positive impact on your depression and anxiety and you may find that you lose even more weight as a result. Looking at the bigger picture and realising what you might achieve by coming out can definitely spur you on to do it.

    Have you ever spoken to your best friend about LGBT issues? What did he think about the decision of your country to legalise same sex marriage? Try to find out how he feels about issues like these before you tell him... if he seems accepting and tolerant you should get a good vibe about telling him that you are gay.

    If you do come out, let us know how you get on. We'll be here for you no matter how it goes. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 PatrickUK, Jul 29, 2016
  3. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Thanks Patrick for the replie

    I think that my friend is quit open minded but I don't know I suppose the truth of it is that I never really talked about lgbt issues whit anyone as I was not ready to accept my self but I think he would be accepting

    Also I don't know what to do about my mum I think the letter would be the best option but I don't know what to do or where to start I have read and looked at a lot of the coming out letter in the resources and they have helped me a lot but I don't know where to stat for the one for my mum

    But I all so have to tell my dad and my Gran and I don't know what to do there either
    So I don't know what to do I'm very confused :confused:

    Any other advice would really be price ate and thanks for replying :slight_smile::slight_smile:
     
    #3 comingoutgay21, Jul 30, 2016
  4. mvp 447

    mvp 447
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    Try to separate the issues as best you can and work on one at a time. I know this seems counter-intuitive because they're all likely related but that's too much for any one person to take on. Deal with perhaps you weight and anxiety/depression first, and move forward from there. You could elect to do the opposite and deal with coming out first, then the opposite, it's up to you.
     
    #4 mvp 447, Jul 30, 2016
  5. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi I understand were your coming from and I am already dealing whit the Weight and I fell the anxiety and depression are linked to the fact that I'm in the closet so i just feel the the only way for me to accept myself and how I am is to come out as it feels like living in a constant fear of anyone finding out or it feels like I looking trough a window at the life I could be having but never fully accepting it if that makes any sense so I don't know what to do should I wait and come out later or should I do it know? :confused:

    Thanks for replying and other advice is apriceated :slight_smile:
     
    #5 comingoutgay21, Aug 1, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2016
  6. Stewie

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    I think you need to come out, hiding behind that closet door is holding you back from accepting youself and your lifestyle. You have to be comfortable in your own skin, it's affecting everything you do, your self esteem, your attitude, your weight, everything.

    Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
    Always choose the people you come out to carefully, you need to pick someone you know is going to be accepting, rejection at the start can be very hard to deal with.
    From the sounds of it, your friend is probably the first choice, (if your attracted to him, I would suggest keep that to youself, at least for now, that's a double whammy he doesn't need rate away), something like how his friendship is really important to you and you have something major you need to tell him, then tell him.

    As for your mom, a letter is a good way, if you don't think you can find the words to actually say it out loud, start it by telling her how much she/they mean to you and how much there acceptance and love is needed rate now. How this is/has been affecting your entire life, it doesn't need to be pages and pages long, go with a small paragraph for each point 3-4 sentences.

    Big (&&&) and keep us updated :thumbsup:
     
    #6 Stewie, Aug 1, 2016
  7. comingoutgay21

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    Hi stewie thanks for the reply

    I am not attracted to my friend he's like my brother :icon_wink:slight_smile: we are really close I just don't now how to tell him or when or where is best to tell him I really worried he might not talk to me or he might not want to be my friend anymore but I don't think he would be like that as we have a small group of friend and we're all really like close and one of the girls is bi but as I said I just don't know how he would take it as I would like to tell him first before I tell the others

    I still don't know what to do about my family as I said my mum and Gran I think would be ok but I don't know about my dad as he and my mum have been separated since I was a 3. So it would mean telling him separately as well still feeling confused about how to deal whit the family:confused:
    Thanks again for the reply:slight_smile::slight_smile: any other advice is apriceated
     
    #7 comingoutgay21, Aug 1, 2016
  8. PatrickUK

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    In many ways the coming out letters in the resources area can be used as a template. If there is one letter that you like, just adapt it for your own circumstances. I know it means somebody else did the hard work, but I'm sure they will not mind. It's better than agonising over it all yourself, don't you think?
     
    #8 PatrickUK, Aug 2, 2016
  9. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi Patrick thanks for reply I will try that whit the letters and see but I think I'm going to come out to my friend first but I don't what to say or how to tell him :confused: I am really wondering what is the best way to come out :confused::slight_smile:

    Thanks again for the replie and any other advice is apriceated :slight_smile:
     
    #9 comingoutgay21, Aug 2, 2016
  10. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi everyone

    I have decided to come out to my friend and I am lookin for any advice on how to tell him and what to say I am very worried that he'll be angry whit me or he will not talk to me or he will forget about me all together and I don't want that to happen as he is like a brother to me so I'm feeling very stressed out and starting to panic a bit :tears::tears::confused::icon_sad:
     
    #10 comingoutgay21, Aug 3, 2016
  11. bingostring

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    If it is stressing you out, just take a pause and wait until it feels less anxiety provoking. Telling him in 3 weeks or 3 months time is still a valid goal.

    Maybe a circumstance will arise when it feels natural, or the conversation wanders in that direction over a beer or somewhere ...

    The chances are he has already 'guessed' about you and will be absolutely fine about it?
     
    #11 bingostring, Aug 3, 2016
  12. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi bingostring thanks for the replie

    I understand what your saying but I just feel that I need to come out to really start to get better and except myself I feel like he should be the first person I come out to as he is like my brother I just don't know what to say to him.:confused:

    If anyone has any advice on how to tell him I'm gay I would apriceate it :slight_smile:
     
    #12 comingoutgay21, Aug 4, 2016
  13. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi everyone

    I am feeling really upset and anxious I was looking at videos of people coming out and the mad me feel really confident and ready and then I looked at the video for the marriage equality campaign and I started to feel really bad as I did not vote as I was going troug my denial/angry phase and also I believed that everyone would vote yes. But watching the video mad me feel really bad now and it make me feel like I let The LGBT community down
    I wish I could go back and change it and vote yes like I would have but I can't
    I need your advice on this And also I am trying to figure out how to tell my best friend but I can't meet up whit him for a couple of months and I was wondering if I should wait or should I call him or what should I do.:bang::bang::bang::bang::icon_sad::icon_sad::icon_sad:
     
    #13 comingoutgay21, Aug 8, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2016
  14. Guff

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    I still haven't come out just reading other peoples situations and stuff, but I saw that thing you said about voting don't worry like at all about that xD Yes it would've "been nice" if you did, but it's far from awful that you didn't. And I wish you the best luck coming out! please post how it turned out for you after you do xD I wanna hear how it ends but I totally understand if you don't
     
    #14 Guff, Aug 8, 2016
  15. mvp 447

    mvp 447
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    I feel your pain and am very sorry. We've pretty much all been where you are, and we all love you, man. Don't give up, don't you ever give up! We must stand tall.
     
    #15 mvp 447, Aug 8, 2016
  16. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Thanks for the replie I really apriceate it I will definitely post any news :slight_smile:

    Thanks for the replie I really apriceate it :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 9th Aug 2016 at 11:53 AM ----------

    Hi everyone

    I'm after talking to my friend and I don't know what to do he can not come down to see me for a month or two and I can't go up to see him and I don't know what to do I want to come out but I don't know weather it would be better to tell him in person or tell him over the phone or to to pm him on Facebook or what to do. Please help any advice apriceated :confused::bang::bang::slight_smile:
     
    #16 comingoutgay21, Aug 9, 2016
  17. Guff

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    Well it kinda depends what angle you're looking at this from, obviously the best way for him to receive would be in person, hower this adds on months of being in the closet which itself just sucks.
    Obviously a pm would be the easy option for you to help keep stress down not lookin' him "eye to eye", well also being relatively fast letting you outta here already. But it's also (with a lack for a better word) "inappropriate" to say something important in such a manner. When my grandma needed a serious surgery she texted my dad "going to have a major surgery", Which kinda left my dad wondering why she'd text something of importance. It's just generally considered weird and doesn't allow the recipient to react to you immediately or with emotion.
    And than the phone call, it has the speed of the pm, it has the quick replying important appropriation, but it still lacks the physical face-to-face conversation of it being in real life and lacks the ability for him to think how he'll reply such as in a text.

    Once again I'm not even out XD So yeah, not speakin' from experience just trying to help the best I can.
     
    #17 Guff, Aug 9, 2016
  18. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi thanks for replie I understand what your saying sort of lol

    So are you saying it's better to wait or to call him :confused::slight_smile:
     
    #18 comingoutgay21, Aug 10, 2016
  19. Guff

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    If it was me, I would'nt pm him, if I was going to have him read at all I'd at least use a real letter.
    Just in general, virtual text isn't really a good option for important or hard conversation(s).
     
    #19 Guff, Aug 10, 2016
  20. comingoutgay21

    comingoutgay21
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    Hi ok thanks for replie I apriceate it :slight_smile:
     
    #20 comingoutgay21, Aug 11, 2016
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