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How do I know for sure? (A sort of confession)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Katherine, Mar 14, 2009.

  1. Katherine

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    I'm what you'd call confused about my sexuality.

    I grew up thinking I was straight, but now am starting to think differently about it.

    To begin with, I've always had a difficult time finding guys who I'm physically attracted to at all--it's always been easier to find women who I thought were attractive. Anyone who's ever seen me watch TV would completely agree if I told you that they're much more likely to hear me say, "Wow, she's REALLY pretty" than "Wow, he's cute." The only guy at my school who I find really attractive has a very feminine face, which, I've discovered, is kinda WHY I find him attractive. Not to mention I've often wondered WHY other girls like guys in the first place. What's so special about them? Women are beautiful and sweet and have...well, interesting qualities. I love men as friends (I have a ton, because I've always fit in better with them), but as partners...I'm just not so sure anymore.

    The thing is, though, that I've never been in a real relationship, heterosexual or homosexual. Probably because, well, I've never really liked any guys, and because before now I was so completely convinced that I "had to" be straight that I've never let myself get that close to being in a relationship with a girl.

    So what most people have told me is "Wait until you've been in those relationships, then see how you feel." Well, it's not that easy. I can honestly count on one hand the number of guys who I know have liked me. If I'm that unappealing to guys already, how in the world do I expect any women to ever like me enough to WANT to be in a relationship? And it's so hard around here. I live in Georgia, full of bible-thumping homophobic rednecks, and there are hardly any people who I'd even be able to relate to.

    All of the emotions inside of me are making me want to SCREAM this all out, but I can't. If I'm not sure, how am I "coming out" to anyone? Is it even possible for me to be sure without being in any real relationships?

    I just don't know what to do.
     
  2. You sound like me. I had always thought I was going to be straight up until like last year, I had always liked girls so on and so forth. And I disagree with people saying wait until you've been in a relationship to be sure. You know how you how you feel and you should only use a relationship to find clarity if you feel that's necessary. Plus it might be better to wait until you have a little more clarity on your feelings to begin dating, but that's just my take on it. Also, I doubt you're unappealing to guys and women too for that matter. There's someone for everyone, and that's because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've seen people who I don't think are attractive at all, and people who have horrible personalities have significant others. So trust me when I say I don't think all hope is lost for you on that front.

    The homophobic redneck part makes things a little difficult in terms of relating to people. But that's why we're here =]. It does sound to me that you might be more into girls than guys based on what you've said. And it's still coming out even if you're not sure, because that means you're acknowledging that you're "not straight."
     
  3. xadude

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    I can definitely identify with you, for i have been through that as well in the past but nowadays I definitely know I am gay. I did not find that out through a relationship but through talking to people and looking on the web.

    But never be afraid that people won't like how you look. Not that many girls fall for me but plenty of gay guys do and i noticed a definite difference between what guys like in a guy and what girls like in a guy, and i would not be suprised if the other way goes as well...
     
  4. Maddy

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    You sound so much like I did a few years ago (*hug*) I assumed I was straight when I was younger because the concept of being anything else just didn't occur to me. UI always found girls more attractive than guys, and figured that I could be happy in a relationship with a woman someday, but somehow I just didn't associate that with being gay or bi.
    You definitely don't have to have a relationship in order to know your sexuality. I haven't had a real relationship yet and I'm pretty much certain I'm lesbian, but it took me a long time to get here. If you ever need to talk, to rant, to try and figure things out, and you just need someone to listen, feel free to PM me at any time.
     
  5. Katherine

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    Thanks, you guys. (*hug*) Really. I was expecting someone to say, "Oh, just figure it out on your own," or "There have been a million threads like this already!" but all I got was help and support. I really appreciate the input, and it makes me feel better. :icon_bigg
     
  6. Aw, that's what we're here for (*hug*). Soul searching is much less stressful when you have others to help you along the way. I'm glad you feel better.
     
  7. tazz

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    It doesn't help that we grow up being typecasted to fit the roles of our gender either...it just confuses us as kids and we sometimes believe there's something 'wrong' with us.

    It's a good thing you're thinking about this now and not making the same mistakes other people have made (like getting married to the opposite sex despite knowing they're different)
     
  8. limfjord96

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    im the same way, i still have days that i think i may be just in a phase or confused, but as my friend says "it all comes down to what you have saved on your computer." lol. No seriously though, take your time, i for one have found that what i fantasize about is always the same thing, and rarely if ever involves a girl, so i figured, "yeah i must be gay." Good luck
     
  9. Kirakishou

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    I think you still have time before you label yourself with something, the teens is a very confusing time period.
     
  10. Katherine

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    But you're only a year older than me! :lol:

    I do get your point, though. I keep trying to tell myself that, too, but for some reason there's still this unrelenting need to figure it out now. I'll try to be more patient, I guess. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Kirakishou

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    And that means I'm speaking from current experience.:thumbsup::lol: