So right at the moment in on this course with a whole load of people and I'm in a dorm with about 10 other girls. For starters, I feel like that should be a problem. No one here knows I'm gay, and I'm worried that if I tell them then things would get really awkward between us. I've deliberately put myself in one corner where I really can't see anything, but I'm still worried people might take it the wrong way. There's a guy on the course who is openly gay and he keeps talking about lgbt stuff, way more than I remember from last year. Since last year I've cut my hair super short and I always wear my pair of doc martens. So kind of playing up to the stereotype a teeny massive bit. Is he trying to tell me it's ok to come out? The other thing is this. Last night I got a little bit drunk. And I recorded myself singing. Thank goodness nobody heard, but I was singing about how I feel separated from the others because of my sexuality and the fact I'm not out, and I called myself 'broken' on several occasions. I thought I was ok with my sexuality. Does this mean I'm not? I had decided that I'm not going to keep it a secret and tell people if they need to know if it comes up in general conversation. Is this me just trying to avoid the truth about myself all over again? I'm a little lost right now. Advice would be great, or just someone to talk to. And a hug I definitely need a hug..
Update: From all I've read here on EC, it always seems best to just come out. So I decided to try. I was put on a job with just the gay guy (sorry, don't want to do names here) and I told myself I would come out to him. My heart was racing and I went very pale...he thought I was ill and when he asked if I was ok I couldn't say a thing. Unless someone tells me otherwise, I'm really starting to think I actually have a problem with my sexuality. *sigh
I came out to him!!! And all was good. Brilliant in fact. He said the dorm situation was fine, he'd been in plenty of all boy dorms before. I feel so happy now!
Um, whoever told you it's always better to come out is lying to you, but it's good that you did and you feel happy about it! The thing I'm concerned about is the fact you think you might have a problem with your sexuality. If you do, that's quite serious, considering self-acceptance is always the first step to leading a happy life... You should probably sit down and really think about how you feel about yourself. Is it hard for you to call yourself gay, or do you regret coming out at all? These are usually good indicators of you either doubting yourself, not entirely accepting yourself, or maybe you're just not comfortable with calling yourself gay yet. Either way, you won't get answers on why you feel uncomfortable without serious self-reflection. (*hug*) From what you've said, I'm guessing you're just not comfortable calling yourself gay yet, which is perfectly fine- When I first came out as transgender, that word would be ringing in my ear whenever I heard it, not because I doubted it was what I was, but because I couldn't believe I could call myself that. ^_^ Good luck!
