Blargh! I really need to get this out of my system. What if I'm not gay? I "know" I'm gay physically. I'm physically attracted to guys, but I haven't had a strong emotional connexion with one yet, except possibly with one of my best friends, but I'm not sure. (Yes, connexion is spelled correctly, it's an older spelling which is easier to type) I have a pretty strong emotional connexion with one of my best female friends though. She's probably my closest friend at the moment, although it does change round slightly between a couple of friends. To further complicate matters, quite a few people think me and her are going out, which often results in me yelling at them. To complicate things even further, I want a boyfriend at the moment. I know desperation is a really bad place to be and often results in bad relationships for both parties, but a further problem is I don't know all that many gay guys. I talk to two on a semi-regular basis and I know of a few others at my school, but none of them are in my extended social group even. At my school, it tends to segregate itself into social groups based on interests, so classical and jazz musos, Rock club people, cadets, strat club and jocks to name a few and you tend to know almost everyone of the groups you're in, but the problem is I'm mainly a classical muso with a couple of friends in some other cliques and most of the gay people aren't musos. I should go out of my social group! Why don't I? I don't know! All the stress of school doesn't really help at the moment either. I managed to come down with a nasty cold today and I HAVE to be at school tomorrow under pain of death, as I'm conducting my house's Instrumentals ensemble and it's our second last rehearsal before the concert. I also have stupid homework which I got on Friday to do by tomorrow which I haven't started, so why am I posting this on EC? Because I can't work if I feel shit, I can only vent. BLARGH! I feel marginally better now. Thank you for reading this massive slab of rather non-sensical text.
If your physically attracted to guys, but not found one emotionally attractive yet, i think thats just needing to meet other guys It can be hard when you have SUCH a small "pond to fish in" for mates. If you really want to meet someone, a GSA or some form of LGBT community group would be best. Im sure once you chat up a bigger number of guys one will just like you like a truck and you will be sooo madly in love
Just because you're yet to find a guy you're able to make an emotional connection with doesn't mean you're not gay! You shouldn't be doubting it on the grounds that you haven't found the right person yet. It's perfectly normal to want to find a boyfriend. Doesn't necessarily mean you're desperate, especially if you're doubting whether you're gay or not. However, school isn't always the best way to meet them- a number wont be out yet, and most of them will probably be worried about the homophobic abuse they will be at risk of getting if they do engage in a relationship with someone else at school. Have you tried any gay youth groups around where you live? They can be a really great way to meet people, it's worth a try.
