I'm trying so hard to work up the courage to come out to my parents. I've never said the words "I'm gay" to anyone before, and I'm so nervous. I'm having a hard time telling myself I'm finally ready and building up my self confidence. I still feel embarrassed by my sexuality in some ways. Like being gay means my sexuality is broken in some way or it's a character flaw that I should just silently deal with instead of embrace. Being gay has always made me feel like my sexuality is less legitimate than other people's. I'm trying so hard to get over this feeling. Does anyone remember how you felt right before you came out to someone really close to you for the first time? Did it feel like the right moment? Did you plan it out or was it more spontaneous? Were you mostly scared, anxious, confident, excited, relueved, or did you just not care what anyone else thought about your sexuality anymore? How easy did the words come out? How did you build up your confidence to the point where you were ready to come out? Did you still have doubts about it? How confident do you need to be before coming out? If you aren't totally sure of yourself does that mean you should stay closeted until you're a bit more ready?
You're gay! You've said it to me now (don't forget that means you've kinda come out already ). Your sexuality is legitimate and it doesn't mean you're broken - knowing you're gay means you're more complete because you know more about who you really are now. Any time I've come out to people close to me, especially my first time, I know it's the time to come out because I feel it's necessary. Each time I have been scared and anxious about what each person would say and each time I've gained a little more confidence and the response has only gotten more positive. The words didn't come out easily but I knew I had to say it and keep it simple: I'm gay. Once I knew I wanted to come out, I forced my confidence up by making myself come out (if I thought too much about it, I might not have come out!). I still have doubts about coming out every time I know I'll have to do it. How confident do you need to be before coming out? As confident as you like, of course! It's your decision and that means that, if you aren't totally sure of yourself, you can decide not to come out until you're a bit more ready. Good luck and feel free to chat me on my wall
Scared, anxious, confident, excited, relieved? Yes, all of the above. At varying degrees at different times. For me, to be honest, it didn't feel like the "right moment", it was just "a moment". I didn't feel that moment coming until a few seconds before it was upon me. I didn't feel ready to come out, but my "wall" was ready to come down of it's own accord. I was less like: "right, I'm about to come out". And more like: *deep breath* "f**k it", it's happening right now. The words were hard to say, and they came out shakey. Can't really get around that, no matter how prepared you are. If the people you're telling are likely to ask a lot of questions, maybe get to know in your mind now what your answers will be. The questions are often pretty weird and can include things like: why are you telling me? are you sure? how do you know? how do you know you just haven't met the right girl? why are you gay? Asking yourself questions like these can help make you more certain about yourself as well. You should be able to find a more comprehensive list of possible questions and reactions somewhere on EC or by googling. Sorry, that probably doesn't help.
