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How to help my friend.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Miles D, Mar 15, 2009.

  1. Miles D

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    So, my ex-bf is literally going insane. He doesn't sleep in his dorm room ever (he sometimes sleeps in the lounge/kitchen area) supposedly because his bed reminds him of me [I've never even been to his room.] He survives on coffee alone, with an average of 10 cups a day. He is neurotic, can't say a complete sentence without stuttering because of his hyperness/lack of sleep, and his twitches, all of him.
    I won't go into details (because I could go on forever) but we made out one night before thanksgiving break, then chatted the whole week being apart, called each other bf's, and then I realized I couldn't date him because of my own body issues. (This was, what, three, four months ago?)
    So he's been getting crazier ever since I broke up with him. We went to a conference over the weekend with a group of classmate, and he was totally crazy. He only had coffee all of Friday, didn't sleep, and I'm really worried, so I sent him a message, telling him I'm here to talk (or not, if he didn't want to), and that he needed to start working on respecting/loving himself.
    He basically replies with "I hate myself, I tried to kill myself a few times over winter break (including staying drunk the whole month), and I think I'm worthless and I can't love myself."
    So I am really worried, because he's so caring (to a point that he hurts himself in the process) and he doesn't care what happens to himself.
    He is seeing a therapist, and has staff/faculty allies. There are a few close friends that are also worried about him.
    WHAT DO I DO!!?!
     
  2. Numfarh

    Numfarh Guest

    Here's the tough news: You can't help him. Not in a one-on-one sense anyways.

    I know it may seem like talking to him is a caring and thoughtful thing to do, but really it may just be making it harder on him. It's certainly making it harder on you.
    This boy has developped an obsession with you that has progressed to the point of a breakdown. He clearly has many issues. If he is seeing a therapist and people know what's happening, there really isn't anything else you can do for him.

    I suggest cutting off ties completely. I've been in this type of situation before and when you give these people an inch (by talking to them or trying to help), they take a mile. He told you he is suicidal, but many times people use suicide as a threat to force a relationship (if a friendship) to continue. It can be very manipulative. If you are really worried about it, don't hesitate to tell his parents or even phone 911 if you think the threat is immediate. It's not your job to deal with this problem. You did nothing wrong.

    Just stop talking to him until he gets his act together. Until then, a friendship will only cause more damage to the both of you.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Yeah, you need to stop feeling responsibility for his actions. I would definitely make sure these adults that are trying to help him know of the seriousness of the situation but other than that, you need to step back and let him deal with it.
     
  4. Zac4

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    everything u described- stuttering. not sleeping. not eating, twitches, the craziness. all of it.
    it all says its a meth problem to me.
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! As the others have said, there is not much you can do. You have indicated to him that you are there for him when he wants/needs to talk and you have tried to help him already. That's all you can really do. The ball is in his court now.

    I wouldn't go so far as cutting off contact with him completely (as it is always good that he knows that there is someone that is willing to be there for him, when others might not be available) but maybe keep it to a minimum for a while.
     
  6. Miles D

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    Thanks guys.
    haha, well I know he's not on meth. But his addiction to caffeine is having essentially the same [scary] effect.
    I really can't cut off all ties. We have so many friends in common, and see each other so much (I'm on a campus of 400 kids) and we eat almost all our meals together with our group of common friends. And also I feel like me dissapearing might be just the thing to push him other the edge.
    I will definitely try to stay neutral and let him work through this on his own.
    thanks :slight_smile: