1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

violated by my grandmother's neighbor

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sarah, Mar 15, 2009.

  1. Sarah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    the place around where i am
    On Saturday I went to stay at my grandmother's house so she had some company. I was texting her neighbor whom I've known since I was 4 and he's 2 years older than me. My aunt was at their house so he ask if he can go over and hang out with me at my grandma's. At first we just talked. Then he came over and sat on the bed with me. Then I kept shivering because I had just ate ice cream. So he tried to warm me up. We layed down next to each other. The lights were off but the TV was on and my iPod was playing. He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. And I wasn't really thinking anything of it because we're close friends. Then he pulled me on top of him. and he slipped his hands under my shirt. And I've been longing for someone to hold me for so long. Just craving someone to touch me. I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything. He kept on touching me and kissing my neck. I didn't do anything I just let him do it. We didn't have sex, he didn't rape me. All he did was hold me, touch me and kiss me. Then he slipped his hands into my pants. I pulled away several times, but everytime he pulled me to him, I just let him. He kept telling me that i can trust him, that I've known him almost all my life. When he left i felt so filthy. I am so disgusted with myself. I cried for hours then I finally went to sleep. I don't feel any better. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel broken inside. Now every weekend i stay at my grandma's he's going to want to come over and do the same thing. I don't know what to do. I feel disgusting and filthy and broken. I can't stop crying about it. I don't know what to do. It's so hard to try and look normal for my friends and family already and now it's going to be even harder. My God. I can't believe I let him do that to me.
     
  2. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    Hey, you need to stop beating yourself up over it. He may not have raped you, but he did sexually assault you. You said you pulled away several times. And, the way he was talking it sounds like he was just trying to convince you that what he was doing was okay, when it's not.

    Do you have anyone that you can talk to about it? You need to talk to someone, because you sound very lost right now. You need someone to help you through this. Is there anyone in your family you can talk to?

    And, do you want to press charges?

    If you don't tell anyone, and you simply don't want it to happen again, you need to tell him loud and clear. Say that last time was a mistake and you don't want it to happen again. No 'ifs', 'and' or 'buts'. You can't change what happened, but you need to make sure that he doesn't do it again. Don't let yourself get alone with him if he doesn't understand.

    And these are for you too. (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  3. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    There isn't much you can do about what already happened. You just need to make sure it doesn't happen again. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are alone with him again. In fact, you should text him and tell him that you don't feel good about what happened and that you don't want to happen again! Be clear and be firm.....
     
  4. EM68

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    3,265
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stoughton, Massachusetts USA
    I am sorry you went through this. I agree with the above posters. You NEED to let him know that this can not happen again. Also in the future do not spend time alone with him.(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  5. Sarah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    the place around where i am
    :tears: i never thought anything lik this would hav ever happened to me.i dont know wat to do with myself. i dont know how i can hide this from my friends. i dont want anyone to kn. there's only one of my friends that i told. but im goin to b so deep inside myself this week and i dont know how i can hide from my friends. theyll notice how quiet i am. how im not talking or laughing. i dont know wat to do
     
  6. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    How come you can't brush it off? Why did you feel filthy if he didn't actually sexually touch you? Do you still like the guy? Would you still let him be your friend?
     
  7. Sarah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    the place around where i am
    he did sexually touch me. i dont want to c him ever again. and i cant "brush it off". i barely know who he is anymore. i havent talkd to him in forever. nd then he just comes over and starts touching me in places that no one, not even one of my ex's has touchd me. and i just let him do tat.
     
  8. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Oh. Why did you just let him?
     
  9. Sarah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    the place around where i am
    i dont know. i just didnt say no. i didnt do anything. i dont know. i just dont know
     
  10. Bryan44

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2009
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Georgia
    Sarah, its ok. I completely understand, I have been in the same situation and I didnt say no or anything. I felt so bad and disgusted with myself afterwards. But dont beat yourself up over this. It happened, and now it is in the past..Leave it there. The next time that you see him (if you do) tell him that you are not comfortable with what happened. Better yet, try not to be left alone with him. Dont put yourself in this situation again. It was not your fault.
     
  11. Sarah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    the place around where i am
    everyone keeps saying its not my fault. i didnt say "no" i didnt say "stop" it may not b all my fault but i did let it happen
     
  12. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    That's the first step in accepting it. :slight_smile: And surely, another in getting over it.
     
  13. Hidden Angel

    Hidden Angel Guest

    So maybe you didn't say no to begin with, but when things got far too much you did, maybe not with words but by pulling away your body language was and he would have definitely picked up on it. The far that he payed no attention to this is wrong and is not your fault whether you objected right from the start or not.
     
  14. L|L

    L|L
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2007
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You did not let it happen and it is not your fault. Let me say it again: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

    He took advantage of you. He violated your trust and your body, for which there is no excuse. You didn't say no, but made it perfectly clear his advances are not welcome. Which, in my book, is the same as saying no.

    You can't keep this to yourself as it will eat away at you. It's not an event you can let fall by the wayside. It may seem unimaginable, but someone needs to know. Though it might be awkward, I would start with your parents. Regardless of what you think, they will support you and help you through this.

    Has your school a psychologist perhaps? If so, may I recommend you speak with him or her?

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You will get through this.
     
  15. Sarah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    the place around where i am
    Why do you guys think he did it?
     
  16. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    You'll never know unless you ask him. The reasons are so numerous, especially with someone his age. I don't think they were to harm you though.
     
  17. L|L

    L|L
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2007
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Theories range all the way from he was molested as a child, to some deep-seated attraction to prepubescence, to him feeling entitled to it because he's known you all theses years, watched you grow-up, to everything in-between. Each case has it's own set of underlying circumstances.

    You may never know.
     
  18. Louise

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    1,376
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    Probably because like most horney 16 year old boys, he was alone in a bed with a girl in his arms, it doesn't take much to do the math.

    As for feeling filthy, don't. You are very vunerable at the moment and of course being in the arms of someone you trust is nice and comforting so you enjoyed the comfort of his arms around you, that is normal. That he try to take things further is also normal. You did say stop, maybe not using the word STOP but you did pull away when he put his hands in your pants and you didn't let him have sex with you so, to get a perspective on this; you were feeling lonely and vunerable, a boy you trust took you in his arms, he went too far with the petting and kissing but respected you enough not to force sex on you even though I am sure that if you had been willing he would have had sex with you. He should have stopped as soon as you pulled away, but he was probably carried away by his hormones and not thinking straight. You never know he might be feeling terrible about all this as well.

    Just because you 'let' a boy touch you in intimate places does not mean you need to feel ashamed or guilty. You made a bad call, that's all. Send him a text tell him that you are unhappy about what happened and that you don't ever want to do that sort of thing again with him so that things are clear between you and when you next go to your grandma's house you won't have this hanging over you.
     
  19. Sarah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    the place around where i am
    i hate thinking about what happened but its all i can think about all day. i didnt get to talk to the school counselor today. i feel horrible right now......:tears:
     
  20. L|L

    L|L
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2007
    Messages:
    309
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know you're not in the most pleasant of places, but are having any dark thoughts?

    I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old is this neighbour?