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how do you know

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by limfjord96, Mar 15, 2009.

  1. limfjord96

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    so ive been told this question multiple times. "if you have never been with a guy or never had sex with a girl or a guy then how do yo know." And lately i have been coming back to this, it is this main underlining issue that keeps dropping my mood, makes me all sad. How do we know? for me i am prettty sure bc every fantasy ive had has been with dudes, but never having been or done anything with a guy i think is psycologically starting to mess with my head. I mean i am pretty sure im gay, but is it just the last bit of denial that i am hanging on to?
     
  2. Wall

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    You don't have to be gay. You dont have to be straight. You dont have to be spilt down the middle in-between. Labels are for cans. But I label myself because I know EXACTLY where I am. Its ok to be 99% gay and 1% straight or whatever. Just follow your heart, and let it take you where it needs to go.
     
  3. Bryan44

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    Hey Dan, I dont think of it as denial as much as I see it as an honest question. Im sure that most people go with the idea of "you never know until you try.." and all the other bull shit. However, I believe it all lies in the hands of attraction. If you are not attracted to women, why would you want to have sex with women? Idk how to explain it, but maybe someone else can. Just dont think to much about it. You know what you like, and what you are attracted to, and not all people are going to understand that. Technically we could use this on straight people and be like, "well how do you know your NOT gay, have you ever been with a guy/girl?"
     
  4. Mysterons

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    I usually answer 'how do you know you don't like pigs if you'd never had sex with one?'.

    I don't have sexual experience either, but I'm 100% sure I like guys.
     
  5. limfjord96

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    lol...i like that...actually like all the replies, ive just been over analyzing things so much lately, and everything is guessing game, is he gay? do they know i am? who told who? etc etc, its kind of annoying, and i dont care either way if people tell other people, i just dont want my sexuality to be a giant pink elephant in the room ya know? i mean F_ _ _ !. I am just sick of it, and im sick of random ass depressed days that i cant explain. I have been convinced to go to a therapist (ahh moms :slight_smile:)...so i hope that may help, worse case maybe i can get some meds that will straighten my shit out.
     
  6. 3104

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    I agree. I have never been with a guy up to this time in my life either, but I know if I was physically with someone I was attracted to, i could see my heart starting to pound faster and faster...(ok I'll stop there).

    I would really like to use that whole, "How did you know you were straight before ever being intimate with another?" People as a whole can be so,...oh what's the word,...oblivious to whatever comes out of their mouths. People just cannot put themselves in the shoes of others a lot of the time.
     
  7. Filip

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    Well, I would agree with some of the posters above: straights never wonder about being gay, even though they have never been with a man either, so why should you distrust your feelings.

    As for myself, I just know I'm gay because the feeling I get when I'm crushing on a guy is 500 times more intense than the one I got when I tried to force myself to crush on a girl. There's really no competition.

    One of my friends asked me a week or so ago:
    "Isn't it just lust? I mean, you think you're in love with N., but isn't it just all about sleeping around?"
    My reply: "I would like to have sex with him, yeah, but even if I would only be permitted to see him and talk to him every day, and never touch, for our entire lives, it would still all be worth it."
    Her: "Whoa, Okay, you're gay, definitely, no further evidence needed."

    So, it all comes down to the intensity of your feelings, and you should trust yourself in knowing what you feel.
     
  8. Greggers

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    Dan, my precious Dan.

    Your GAAAY! *slap*

    There, does that clear it up baby? (*hug*)

    (in all honestly, i know that these thoughts are going to be flowing for quite awhile, it happened to me too, but from everything you have posted i know you like guys. Maybe you dont only likge guys, but you cannot deny that you do like em and you like em alot :wink: i mean, cmon, look at a picture of chris evans shirtless and tell me your straight?)
     
  9. limfjord96

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    lol...straight to day dreamin maybe....i just need some one to love and to be loved, then ill feel better, i hope
     
  10. Lexington

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    "I just do."

    Lex
     
  11. Greggers

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    Well, i obviously cant be there for you, but me and alot of other people are one click away (*hug*) and we love and care for you! Im sure your going to meet someone though Dan, just put yourself out there! Check out some gay singles nights at places in your area, join some LGBT community groups, all that stuff :slight_smile: Google is amazing at finding them in places you would never dream of.
     
  12. limfjord96

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    ill get there, i have a great support group around here, and even have friends with gay brothers (who arent too shabby lookin :wink:)....its just a matter of getting myself out of the weekly funks i find me in. But hopefull this shrink im getting set up with will help that
     
  13. waitingsucks

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    You like who you like. IIt's simple as that. You don't have to have sex to prove something that's such a fundemental truth to yourself.
     
  14. ccdd

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    I've sometimes wondered this myself too - how do I know I like women when I've never been with one?

    Well, the thing is, if I said I was straight but had never been with a man - well, no one would question it. I mean, did the people who ask you this have to go with someone of the same sex to realise that they didn't like it?

    You know if you're attracted to men or not! There's no need to have had experience. And, at the end of the day, usually, if you really really really want to have sex with someone and then do, you usually do like it!

    Wanting to have sex with men (or women) is usually a good indicator that you do, in fact, want to have sex with men (or women), whether or not you've had the fortune to try this out.

    But it's something I've sometimes wondered myself too!
     
  15. joeyconnick

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    You know you're gay when you go "sproing" for guys, basically. :lol: It really is that simple. The rest is distraction.

    You'll notice that going sproing does not entail actual sex. That being said, actual sex is definitely a fun part of being gay, so you definitely try that. At some point. With someone who makes you go sproing.

    Sproing sproing sproing...

    This is what trying to write a 12-page paper in one day does to you. I'm just sayin'.
     
  16. -Michael-

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    If anyone asks that, ask them the same thing.

    If they get cocky and say "I don't"
    ...call them gay

    aha.
     
  17. EM68

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    There was a guy that I was dating asked me the same thing becasue I had not been with a guy before. I told him that I knew becasue I have no desire to sleep with a woman and want to be with a guy. Also before this I had kissed a couple of guys and it felt so much better than kissing a woman.

    When he said that I felt upset and hurt. Then I started to look at it this way I just know and that's enough for me. :slight_smile:
     
  18. Eleanor Rigby

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    I don't think you have to had sex with a guy to know that you are attracted to guys. It's not exactly like food where you can't tell before tasting :icon_wink
    I knew I was attracted to men ages before I had sex with a man or even kiss one. If you fantisize on guys, if you want to kiss guys, date guys, being hold by guys, I don't think you have to try to know that you are into guys.
    By the way your sexuality will not be forever a giant big pink elephant in the room. You just came out, let people get used to it, in a while your sexuality will only be a tiny pink mouse :icon_wink
    Take care, Eleanor (*hug*)
     
  19. Maddy

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    It's totally not necessary to have been with someone of the opposite sex in order to be sure of your sexuality. As has already been mentioned, most straight people are pretty sure of their sexuality without ever having sex with someone of the same gender, and it's really no different for us.
     
  20. jblack

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    I'm in the same inexperience-boat as you Dan, but I will say this: If my Internet usage didn't clue me in, it was my body's reaction when I go into the men's locker room, lol!!